Friday, December 31, 2010

Goodbye, 2010

2010. It ends tonight. Today is the last day of the year, officially. But really, it doesn't feel all that different from any other day... ever. Tomorrow, the sun will rise. Tomorrow I'll be doing so much homework I can barely stay awake. I'll be fitting a vacations worth of homework into two days. Tomorrow won't be anything special, and to be honest, today isn't either.

Until I got a happy little event notification on facebook, I was blissfully unaware that tonight was New Years Eve... I thought that it was days away, but alas, I was wrong. Tonight is the last day of the year. I'll be at a party, like most people, watching the new year come as the ball drops in New York City. Want to know something cool? It's already tomorrow in Australia. The United States and Australia are in two different years at the moment. That's pretty cool.

But that got me thinking about a lot of things concerning time. According to Doctor Who, "People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect... but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff." Which makes me wonder: If you were to have a baby in Australia at exactly midnight, and immediately take off on a flight towards JFK Airport in New York City with your new baby, wouldn't you be technically going back and putting your child in an alternate time? Twelve hours later, sitting in JFK airport you would turn to your child and say to them, "Now it's your birthday." How old would your child be considered?

Or how about this one: People talk about 2012 being catastrophic. "Oh no! The world is going to end!" and all of that crap. But which time zone are we talking about? If we're talking about December 21st, 2012 in Australia, that means it'll still be December 20th, 2012 in New York City. Well, that sucks, because then all the happy little New Yorkers got cheated out of a bit of life, didn't they?

However, if this is the case, is it correct to assume that people in Australia have been living for longer than we have? Technically, a child born at midnight on December 31st in Australia and a child born at midnight on December 31st in New York City would be born twelve hours apart. Now, relatively speaking, this isn't a great difference. But their birth certificates would read the same time, even if they were from two different locations.

Now let's think about hovercrafts. If one were in a hovercraft, hovering around, zooming to and fro, that would be awesome, would it not? However, would the hovercraft in question be crippled by the effects of our atmosphere? If it would, the hovercraft would move as the earth did, both around the sun and on the earth's axis. But, if the hovercraft was a true hovercraft, and if someone were to leave it sitting in his backyard for a full year, the hovercraft would seem to slowly move, and would at one point leave our atmosphere all together. That being said, 365 days later it would be back where it was.

See how much fun science can be? Hooray! I kind of wish that I was taking a science class this year. But more than that, I wish that my science teacher would be like Professor Zachary from Strange Days at Blake Holsey High. I just watched all of the series online (I used to watch it on Discovery Kids back in middle school, but I never finished it or found out what happened... I was curious.) I wish that Danbury High School was like that... It'd be so fantastic. Sure there'd be the occasional worm hole splurge, and the danger of using something from Pearadyme Industries, but... It's all in good fun, correct?

Well, I'm going to a New Years Eve party now. I'm quite happy to put this year behind me, but I'll list out my goals and all that schtuff tomorrow. After my homework, of course...

Loading 2011 ███████████████]99%

Monday, December 6, 2010

I'm Off To Dance, Dance, Dance, Dance.

I have a slight obsession with things being perfect, like... perfectly perfect. PENCILS, WHY AREN'T YOU IN RAINBOW ORDER!!!???!!!??? Etc. Like, I don't understand why when you open a Crayola box, all of the colors are popping up in opposite corners of the freaking globe... You'd think, that the Crayola people would be all: "Of course we'll put them in rainbow order. That makes perfect sense!" But... again, that makes too much sense... Look:

Now, does that look like rainbow order to me? Because last time I checked, it went ROY G BIV, not orange, green, purple, another orange, yellow. But maybe I'm wrong, and the rainbow is screwed up like the rest of the world out there.

Right now I should be reading some of The Great Gatsby, but I find it more entertaining to be writing on my blog and schtuff. Also, I don't wanna... However, I could really go for a can of seltzer right now.

Which reminds me: Whenever I go out to like, lunch or something then I go order my drink, I'll be like "Can I have a club soda." and they just stare at me, like I'm some kind of Benjamin Button old person, I just happen to have the body of a sixteen year old. I like the taste of the bubbles in soda, just without all the crappy sugary crap that rots your teeth and makes you fat. Or something like that...

So, I've been watching this youtuber named Tobuscus. My friend Grace found him when we were looking at the Harry Potter trailer, and he does like literal trailers and stuff. He's absolutely hilarious. Pretty much everything that I love in comedy can be found on his channel. He's so blunt, and he does like, different voices and stuff. Jeese, he's funny.

And now it's time for some late night TV and club soda, and then off to bed with a good old book.

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Oh I Love Birds!

Actually, I really don't. Anyone who knows me well... at all knows that I have like, the worst phobia of birds ever. It's called "Ornithophobia". It's actually really bad. I can see like, pictures of birds, but even videos creep me out, and if I actually see one, forget about it. I like, tense up. But that point aside, I wanted to tell everyone about the most amazing day I had yesterday, and then the epic dream that I had last night, not to mention the crazy amounts of... craziness that went along with the past little while.

So, yesterday was supposed to go like this: Go see Harry Potter 7a with one of my bestest friends in the whole world, Grace, and then I was supposed to have lunch with her and then go home and change and go to my friend Bella's party. Well, I feel bad, but I wasn't feeling all that great, and I wasn't in the mood to go to a party, really. Don't get me wrong, I love Bella to death, and if was her birthday, I would have gone, but... it wasn't her birthday. So I saw 7a, and then Grace and I walked to Applebees. Well, the waiter didn't like us apparently, because he decided to take his sweet time taking our drink order, and then our regular order. I'll call him Spinny Waiter Man, because he kept walking past us and spinning the menus on his finger, like some kind of elitest basketball player. I bet he sucks at basketball. He definitely sucked at waiting.

So once he finally decided to pay our table a visit, we ordered, and the food came pretty quickly. We then went back to Grace's house, where we watched part of the Harry Potter marathon on ABC Family; you know, the one where they add in all the deleted scenes? I freaking love Harry Potter weekends. In addition I played some Call of Duty against her little brother, who liked to like, slice my throat... What a sweetheart.

Then, the coolest thing happened: Grace's mom wanted Grace to have a party, and Grace was like "Eh, Mom... You know how I hate having parties." and I offered to have the party at their house, because Grace's mom wanted to plan it and schtuff. So I'm having a party! Wahoo!

Well, by the time I was able to go home, it was like, close to nine, and my mom didn't want to come get me, so I just stayed there. It was nice in the basement, and I slept really, really well.

And that was when I had the most epic dream ever. It took place in Grace's house, and it was during a party, though I don't think it was my party... but whatever. I was in a room that is really the bathroom, but in my dream it was some random sitting area, and some girl that I don't like was talking, so I wasn't paying attention, and I was looking out the window. And that's when I saw a giant purple spaceship. Like, a huge freaking spaceship! You know in that Spyro game, where they have the flying saucers and the little bubble type things in the middle where the aliens live? Yeah, it was one of those, and it was purple.

So, I was like "Oh my god. Did anyone else just see that giant purple space ship?" And they're all like "Yeah, no big deal." But, obviously I thought it was a big deal, because I looked outside and there were hundreds of them, like that movie called like Skyline or something with the giant blue spaceships and the human vacuums? Yeah, it was like that, except they were just sitting there... all purple.

I then went downstairs, and my friends Chris and Louis were downstairs playing Call of Duty. I was like "Oh my God, guys, there's like, a hundred purple space ships outside taking over the planet." And they were like "Hold on, Siobhan, we're a little busy right now." And I was like "Guys, let's have some perspective... Giant. Purple. Spaceships." But they didn't really care.

So then my Mom came to pick me up and she was like "Come on, Siobhan, we packed up everything we own and we're going to Canada." And I was like "Aren't there purple space ships there too?" And she said no, because the Canadians love everyone, and the US always pokes into places where they shouldn't, including other universes. Then we had a random dance break, where the aim was to make a friend of mine jealous, because it's quite amusing when he's jealous.

Anyway, then there was something about trying to find my shoes and my friend Joe wearing them, and that was it!

Quite the exciting dream, wouldn't you say? Now I have to go write a memoir about Pokemon yellow. It's going to be a good one.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010


School is going to be so boring today. Can I just not go? ...Mother dearest doesn't seem to think so. I have a project due first period, then second period we're getting assigned a project, we're getting our report cards, third period i work on the project for American Studies, fourth I have mads, fifth I have a quiz, sixth I'm dancing, seventh I can't talk about and eighth we're watching Rain Man. I'm going to be busy all day. And there's no lunch in there... I'm always so hungry at the end of the day.

Oh well. Another day, another dollar?
More like another nickel.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Morphemes of Another

I took a bunch of songs (over a hundred, at least) took lyrics from each to make a 1000 word free-write out of them. I'm really proud of the way it turned out.


I came to dance, and life's too short for me to stop. When all else fails and you long to be something better than you are today, throw out your cares and fly. Wanna go for a ride? We're burning down the highway skyline on the back of a hurricane. I know I’ll grow up someday, but it’s 2 AM. And only your love remains. Are you nervous? Spending your days away in space, thicker than air? Nervous hands and anxious smiles, I can feel you breathing. The smell of you in every single dream I dream. And when shoelaces are the ties that bind us, is at any wonder why you and I are anything but ordinary? You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not. And if your heart stops beating, I’ll be here wondering “Did you get what you deserve?” Keep your feet on the ground, smile big for everyone. Even when you know what they’ve done. I’m steppin’ on leprechauns wearing a brown polyester shirt, before we packed our bags and left all this behind us in the dust. But now I think you’ve gone and had your way. And the world is turning inside out, I’m floating around in ecstasy, but don’t stop me now. The stars that pierce the sky, jealousy, turning saints into the sea. So tell me, does she look at you the way I do? Our lives are changing lanes, you ran me off the road. Lie, lie to my face. Tell me it ain’t nothing. That’s what I wanna hear. Take the lie to the grave. That’s what an old friend told me. Look what it did for him. Mistakes become regrets. I’ve learned to love abuse. So did you fall for a shooting star? One without a permanent scar? And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there? I don’t wanna waste my time, become another casualty of society. I’ll never fall in line, become another victim of your conformity. Let’s paint the town, we’ll shut it down. Put on your pretty lies, you’re in the city of wonder. Ain’t gon’ play nice, watch out you might just go under. Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered. So if you must falter be wise. Music comes on, people start to dance. You’re on a mission and you’re wishin’ someone could cure your lonely condition. The rotten sore on the face of mother earth gets bigger. I walk to the corner, to the rubble that used to be a library, line up to the mind cemetery now. Then again incidentally, if you’re that way inclined. Perfume came naturally from Paris, for cars I can’t care less, fastidious and precise. So why am I so afraid? Then you said my name. I tell you what I’m gonna do. You said you’d take me away, and take me along with you boy we’re on our way. But I’ve kept my heart under control, but lately all this time is takin’ it’s toll. I can’t hold back what’s deep in my soul. I love you and you’ll just have to know. So relax, take it easy. Because there is nothing that we can do. It’s like you’re a drug. It’s like you’re a demon I can’t face down. IT’s like I’m stuck. And I know I love you, and you have all the power. And I know the only the company I seek is misery all the time. I’m just a girl with a crush on you. Seventeen tracks and I’ve had it with this game. Hey you with the pretty face, welcome to the human race. I’m so pleased to be with you, look around see what you do? Everybody smiles at you. I’ve got a feeling that I don’t belong, I’ve got a feeling that I shouldn’t be here with you. I can’t stand another single day. I’ve got to get away. I’m stuck in the middle of what you are and what you want. What you want is nothing like who I am. No one else is like me, which means they can’t be trusted. I need some sleep… I can’t go on like this. I tried counting sheep, but there’s one I always miss. Everyone says I’m getting down too low, everyone says, I just gotta let it go. Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game. It’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and breathe. But it’s too cliché, I won’t say I’m in love. If there’s a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I’ve already won that. That’s ancient history, been there, done that. I can kill with a smile, I can wound with my eyes. I can ruin your faith with my casual lies. I can bring out the best and the worst you can be. I can feel your heart beat but I know you well enough not to speak. There’s things that I have done, you never, should ever know. And without you is how I disappear, and live my life alone forever now. Nervous and shy, for the moment we will come alive tonight. I’m calling out your name. Your face is everywhere. I’m reaching out to you to find that you’re not there. I wake up every night, to see the state I’m in. It’s like an endless part, I never seem to win. Because I feel like I’m inside out, you’ve got me upside down. So please stop sounding thirteen again, you know how much I hate this conversation. Why can’t you put it on the shelf? Gathering words the way I’m gathering all of your excuses, and throwing them all away. I can see the direction this is going in so, I’ve been here before. It’s no fun, because I know the only resolution is not in your favor. Everybody’s running, come back, now that everything is broken. It’s time to pick up the slack. Just save me from what the world has become as it comes crashing, with you and me with it, everybody’s running.



Today is 10/10/10. No, it's not 10:10. I't s 8:39. I'm awake because I want to be, and because right now is when the sun starts to reseed from being obnoxious. There are birds chilling out in the trees outside of my house, and they're quite obnoxious.

Anyway, I organized my life yesterday, meaning that I spent the better part of three hours organizing my binder and getting only half of my homework done, leaving myself with a cute little pile to do today. Not only that, but I have to free-write today (and everyday) and I have to get everything set up for the Tri-M Induction ceremony which is Tuesday night. I still have no idea what I'm supposed to say, I remember practically sleeping through last years.

So, I'll get all of that done soon and then I'll have the rest of today to write and read. I love the weekend.

Poma saporis.

Saturday, October 9, 2010


I feel like I owe it to everyone to have a post with some real substance to it. Okay, maybe not to everyone, but to myself at least. Lately I've been kind of rambling on and on and on about what it'd be like to do this, or what TV show I'm watching. And how boring is that? Very boring in my opinion...

For starters, I'd just like to say that I'm anticipating NaNoWriMo greatly this year. I already have my plotline planned (For the most part. It's in my head, at least. I just need to write it down.) and I can't wait to get started. I have four of the characters named, but names are much easier than personalities. Daisy's personality is really hard to put on paper... She's like. Independent, but she knows she's right, and she'll do whatever she can to try and fix her mistakes.

I've been looking into chapter length, and with my 5000 word-a-day goal for November, It seems like I'll be having extra words. Which means that I'm going to need another plotline if I'm going to get to my 150K word goal. But maybe I shouldn't be aiming so high. I mean, I know for a fact that I need a bit under 1700 words a day to make it to 50000. And I've never done that, even though I can successfully write 1000 words in under twenty minutes. But I feel like aiming for something so high will just disappoint me further, especially when I haven't won NaNoWriMo before. But I'll look into extra plotlines anyway. Hopefully I'll have the first 50000 words written within ten days, but that seems unlikely.

I also need to consider the fact that I'll be trying to write a novel. Sure, writing is easy when you know what you're talking about. But half the time I have no idea where a chapter is going when I go to start it. Daisy jumps in the car. Where's she going, Siobhan? Oh, heck. I don't know... But she should probably get there pretty quick, otherwise a nuclear bomb might end up going off. Or something along those lines... Probably less dramatic than that.

I'm so worried that I'll have lost my writing focus by the time November comes. I have that problem a lot. Right now, I'm super pumped for NaNo. There's only twenty-two days left of planning, and then I jump right into that ridiculous literary abandon for thirty days. Ah! But what happens if I lose my moxie? If I lose that drive that's been pushing me to write a few thousand words a day for the past few days?

I suppose I shouldn't worry too much. If I like my plotline (And I really do. I mean, it's a tad bit cliche, but aren't all plotlines cliche? I feel like as long as I'm putting my heart into it, and as long as I know where I want to go with the story (Still working on that, by the way) than it'll be fine.) enough, than I should be able to just power through fifty thousand words like it was sitting on a beach drinking a pineapple and strawberry smoothie. Which sounds excellent right now.

So, I've got my plot. I've got my drive. What else do I need? Oh... the actual words themselves. You might be saying that it's super easy for me to write, and most of the time it is. I'm a highly verbose person. But every once in a while I just stare at the page for ever... and ever... and no words come to mind, and I'm still staring, and then my eye starts to twitch, and I start to sweat, and then... and then... I just close out of the program and go off to do something else.

But not this time. Not this November. This November I will be focusing. If it takes me 20 minutes to write 1000 words, than it should take me an hour and twenty minutes to write five thousand words. that's eighty minutes. Eighty minutes equals five thousand words. That'd be eight hundred minutes spent writing during the month of November. That's pretty cool. This is the reason why I love math.

Speaking of math, I have quite a bit of math homework which I need to get done this weekend. I don't mind, I've got quite a bit of time. There's nothing that I need to do this weekend except for homework, and planning for NaNo. Seems like it'll be a weekend well spent to me!

I think i'm out of substance now. That was pretty full, don'tcha think?

Keep Calm and Write Well

Friday, October 8, 2010

Did His Taco Just Smack Him The Face? Yeah... It Did...

I suppose that I should be focusing on other aspects of writing, especially when it comes to my Creative Writing class. But I can't help but be excited for the fact that there's NaNoWriMo coming up next month. I've already started planning, practicing, doing warmups. They're really hard to do. I mean, I try and pace myself, but it is difficult to do. So, according to the math I did, I need to write about 1700 words a day to reach fifty thousand. But, I can write way more than that per day. I'm going to try and write 5000 words per day this NaNo, which will give me a grand total of 150K.

But not all of these words are going to the same place. In fact, I think it'd be better if the went to totally different places. So I'm going to start with my newest novel idea (I'd rather not say on here) and then move to another novel idea. It's going to be difficult, because I'd also like to try and do an additional 1000 words a day, as part of the 1000 words a day challenge. Honestly, I can write 1000 words in about twenty minutes, if I really push myself. It's not that difficult, I just did it, in twelve, and I wrote a pretty cool free-write. I try and make them all different.

So I'm using a collaboration of different programs, write monkey, because I have it on my desktop, and I like that it's full screen and makes my screen dark. It helps me concentrate, and it counts my words for me. I'm also going to be using WriteOrDie to help me do my words in thousands, because that's a good tool.

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I'd love to get started right now. I know I haven't developed my characters, like... at all, but I could totally do it. I know what I want to happen, and I know that my character is a widow who has two young children. Her name is Daisy, and her childrens' names are Bethany and Zoe.

I've been trying to win NaNo for two years now. This will be my third attempt. What's that old saying? Third time's the charm? I think this is the year that I'll win NaNo. I can't wait to get started, and I can't wait to win.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Sweet Disposition

Probably my new favorite song. It's by The Temper Trap. I really like it.

Yes, I am procrastinating right now, how kind of you to notice? Math homework? Oh, that can wait, silly. I have more important things to do. I have the other half of my psychology test tomorrow! I can't wait!

No, but seriously. I really have a lot to do. I just dropped in to say that I hate liars.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Access Denied

Gahhhhh. I'm siiiiiiick.

Not like *achoo* sick like *AHFREAKINGCHOOOOOOOOOOO* sick. I woke up Monday morning feeling stuffy and gross, and, well... I still feel that way.

Saturday I got my permit. Ridiculousness at that DMV.
  1. Go get form
  2. Go get picture taken
  3. Take receipt from picture back to lady who gave you the form
  4. Give her social security card and birth certificate
  5. Pay to take the test ("$40?")
  6. Sit on uncomfortable chairs
  7. Wait to take test
  8. Get called for vision test
  9. Go take actual permit test
  10. Pass permit test
  11. Wait to pay for actual permit
  12. Pay for actual permit
  13. Wait to take picture for permit
  14. Take picture for permit
  15. Wait for permit
  16. Receive permit.
  17. Rejoice!
Yay! So now I have a permit, and I can drive. I also have a ton of homework, and a cold. I just felt like sharing. And now I have shared. It's a bit after seven. My self-proclaimed bed-time is at eight. I need to get all my homework done before then. Gahhhh. Oh, and this guy on Jeopardy collects pocket protectors. Oy... Nerds these days. I guess it doesn't surprise me that he got the Star Wars question correct.

I am not the droid you're looking for...

Sunday, October 3, 2010



I love reading, I always have, and I think a huge part of my writing comes from reading. Right now I'm reading Jellicoe Road by... someone. It's fantastic so far. I'm a little confused, but I think that my confusion will be resolved eventually.

I've comprised a large list of books which I'd love to read. Love love love to read. It's a huge list:

Emma - Jane Austen
Mansfield Park - Jane Austen
Northanger Abbey - Jane Austen
Persuasion- Jane Austen
Gone With the Wind - Margret Mitchell
Uninvited - Justine Musk
Blood Angel - Justine Musk
Lord of Bones - Justine Musk
An Abundance of Katherines - John Green
Will Grayson Will Grayson - John Green
Looking For Alaska - John Green
The Invisible Man - H.G. Wells
The Time Machine - H.G. Wells
The War of the Worlds - H.G. Wells
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
The House of the Seven Gables - Nathaniel Hawthorne
The Scarlet Letter - Nathaniel Hawthorne
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
A Journey To The Center of the Earth - Jules Verne
Witch and Wizard - James Patterson
Kingdom of the Golden Dragon - Isabel Allende
Forest of the Pygmies - Isabel Allende
Kabul Beauty School - Deborah Rodriguez
Eon: Dragoneye Reborn - Alison Goodman
Wicked - Gregory Maguire
The Third Angel - Alice Hoffman
Green Angel - Alice Hoffman
Triskellion - Will Peterson
Montmorency - Eleanor Updale
A Bend in The Road - Nicholas Sparks
The Story of Forgetting - Stefan Merrill Block
Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - J.R.R. Tolkien
Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers - J.R.R. Tolkien
Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King - J.R.R. Tolkien
Pendragon Book 3: The Never War - D.J. MacHale
Pendragon Book 4: The Reality Bug - D.J. MacHale
Pendragon Book 5: Black Water - D.J. MacHale
Pendragon Book 6: The Rivers of Zadaa - D.J. MacHale
Pendragon Book 7: The Quillan Games - D.J. MacHale
Pendragon Book 8: The Pilgrims of Rayne - D.J. MacHale
Pendragon Book 9: Raven Rise - D.J. MacHale
Pendragon Book 10: The Soldiers of Halla - D.J. MacHale
Inkheart - Carnelia Funke
Inkspell - Carnelia Funke
Inkdeath - Camelia Funke
Brisingr - Christopher Paolini
Uglies - Scott Westerfield
Pretties - Scott Westerfield
Specials - Scott Westerfield
Extras - Scott Westerfield
Midnighters: The Secret Hour - Scott Westerfield
Midnighters: Touching Darkness - Scott Westerfield
Midnighters: Blue Moon - Scott Westerfield
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief - Rick Riordan
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters - Rick Riordan
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Titan's Curse - Rick Riordan
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Battle of the Labyrinth - Rick Riordan
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Last Olympian - Rick Riordan
Burned - Ellen Hopkins
Impulse - Ellen Hopkins
Identical - Ellen Hopkins
Tricks - Ellen Hopkins
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larson
The Girl Who Played With Fire - Stieg Larson
The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest - Stieg Larson

Those are just the ones that I'm thinking of right now. There's half a billion others I want to read, not to mention the ones I want to re-read.

But the problem isn't that I love to read, it's that there are too many good books out there. I'm bound to miss a few... Rats. Maybe I'll be like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and turn myself into a robot when the technology becomes available, so I can read all of the books in the world. Wouldn't that be fantastic?

Right now I have to go read some Pre-Calc word problems. Joy.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Drizzling. No Rain Is Worse Than A Drizzle.

Oy, vey. Life is so difficult, you know? Here I am, it's 3:29 PM on a cheerfully drizzly Monday afternoon, and I'm tired. Oh, but the day has just begun. Yes, it's true that I already went to school and had a lovely time going through each of my classes, but that feeling of "overwhelming school work" seems to be nicely accompanying my junior year. Hurray. I was afraid I'd be missing out.

So, I have to write a paragraph about why I chose to read Paper Towns for my Independent Reading Project. (I already finished the book, yay for being ahead!) Make sure I'm sufficiently prepared for a presentation about The Civil War tomorrow in American Studies, do several worksheets for Pre-Calc, memorize lines for Acting, as well as read and begin to study for a Psychology test that I have next Wednesday. Oh, and if I have time, I'll do my Current Events so I don't have to do that tomorrow after auditions.

But wait, there's more! I also have jazz from six to seven, so that cuts out an entire hour of time that I kind of need. Fan-freaking-tastic.

On a side note, Paper Towns (by John Green) was a fantastic book, and I highly recommend it. I picked something new out of the library today. No clue what it's about, just a point and choose method, really, but I like the satisfaction of reading for a deadline when it comes to library books. I guess you could say that it's an adrenaline rush, wondering if I'll finish or have to pay the extra five cents because the book is late, but... not really because I finish half of them within a day, but we have several weeks to read them. Whatever. I get my small pleasures where I can, don't mock it.

In other news, I need to get started on my homework before I claw my eyes out with a fork and fall asleep. Which may be some time in the next few minutes, so I should get going.

I'll show you how God falls asleep on the job.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Advanced Placement? No...

I couldn't think of anything witty to say, forgive me. It's been really hard to get on and type up a blog when I'm too busy worrying about my classes. How long have I been in school? Going on like, twelve years now, right? This sucks...

My entire freaking life has been spent in school. I'm so sick of it. Let's just leave, and not worry about any more AP Psychology homework. Sound good? It sounds amazing to me.

Life is a freaking hallway.

Monday, September 20, 2010


It's on right now.

The northeast part of my brain is under attack. Crap.

Can't talk. Commercial over.
I'll write tomorrow, I've been slacking.


Friday, September 17, 2010

The Doctah Is In

As in, Doctor Who? You know, the show that I haven't had time to watch in over two months? Yeah, that one...

Anywho, FREE SHIRT FRIDAY FROM DISTRICT LINES. I think I entered to win an anberlin shirt... I really like their music, it makes me super happy. Anyway, just go to DistrictLines, pick a T-Shirt, and then hit the Tweet button to enter to win it. They're giving away five shirts instead of one this week, so definitely enter.

This week consisted of papers, meetings, and lots of other things that I really don't want to talk about.

We have Tri-M auditions the week after next on Tuesday and Thursday. Jack and I will be auditioning the singers and piano players. It should be a lot of fun, and I'm excited to see a bunch of new people get integrated into the club.

Other than that, there's nothing going on right now, and I'm about to go and grab a can of seltzer to settle down with a book for the rest of today. I'm *hopefully* going to get my permit tomorrow at least I hope so.

I'll have to explain PoppaCap tomorrow too. No, it has nothing to do with drugs or alcohol or pills. I'll explain it tomorrow.


Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Scent of Bacon

Has this ever happened to you?

Your teacher tells you to write a story, a sci-fi version of the three little pigs. She gives you no page limit at all, and you go and write your story, giving each pig a background story, a wife, and a purpose, as well as the wolf. Your story is the best story you've ever written for an assignment like this, and you're so proud of it. So you go in, bearing a smile and eight pages, waiting for her praise on how amazing you are. Instead, she tells you how it's too long, how you need to cut it down or re-write the assignment, because she refuses to grade it.

Is this fair? I think it's not. I worked really hard on my story, and the fact that she dismissed it without even reading it, especially after she didn't give me a guideline for pages? I think it's completely unfair. I'm actually really upset about this, and it was the first time that I've been legitimately upset all year.


On a side note, he talked to me a lot today, and it was really good to get to know him. I think I like him... Oy, great. "WAY TO GET YOURSELF INTO THIS, SIOBHAN!"

I know, I know...

I have a lot of homework.
Gotta rewrite that damn story. That e-mail thing failed again yesterday, I really gotta fix that.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Just to Clarify

I did write yesterday, actually. I sent it to the "Auto-publish" email thingy, but it didn't work... Basically I said I was tired. I'll look into that.

I'd also like to clarify that my name does not start with a C. It never has, and it probably never will.

Right now I'm exhausted, even though it's only eight, and I could probably fall asleep. I think I'll do my homework and go to bed.

S, not C.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Current Events

Today is about homework. Completely and totally about homework and nothing else, aside from the occasional break to write a blog or use the bathroom. I've finished my big project for today, and I really only have to do Psych and Math work today. Which involves a worksheet and a one-page response to a few pages of reading, as well as another assignment. Oh yeah, and I have a psych test on Tuesday. "Ah!" I'll probably do my current events work for American Studies too...

On second thought, maybe I do have a lot of homework. It certainly sounds that way. Should I push preparing for NaNoWriMo and freewriting out the window? Naw... I need to freewrite. I've been really good about blogging every day for... Twelve days now? Something like that. Since the beginning of September.

I'm listening to Alex Day right now. His album 117% Complete is one of my new favorites. It only has three songs on it; "Sonic Doesn't Need A Story" "I Hate Mario Kart Wii" and "Pokemon, What Happened To You?" They're so funny. He also has a few songs with his old band Chameleon Circuit which are about Dr. Who. So, if you're a nerd you should go check him out, because he's quite amusing.

I need to get going on the rest of my homework.

I'm feeling Princess Peachy.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Never Forget

Today is September 11th, 2010.

Nine years ago, on this day, I was sitting in a classroom in second grade in New York, blissfully unaware of what was happening. We were let out of school early and sent home. I remember being mad because I was supposed to go to my friend Briana's house, but couldn't.

It's crazy to think of the catastrophe this country suffered on this day nine years ago. But sadder yet, is knowing that my younger brothers don't remember it. They were too young. A part of me wishes that they were at the point of having cohesive memories so I could say "Where were you?" And they could answer. But I'll always remember. I'll never forget.


Friday, September 10, 2010


Ugh. I'm so frustrated right now.

Yes, I got everything done yesterday that I needed to, and yes it was all up to par, and no my creative writing teacher didn't go berserk over a spider today, but I'm still frustrated.

Ya see, there's this guy. ("Oh, no! It's another one of "those" stories!") Yes, yes it is. Well, the first day of school it was like BAM! Attractive guy. But, I ignored it, "Focus on school this year, Siobhan." I wasn't mean, I was nice to him, but I wasn't anything but myself. Then he starts sitting next to me, talking to me, and I noticed (I wrote about this one "Guy, if you're ever reading this, thank you. I appreciated it." Or something along those lines... See previous post.) I finally got up enough courage to tell my friend Liz about him, but casually.

"So, what do you think of him?"
"Him? He's kind of weird, perfect for you."


But this too was ignored. "School, Siobhan! School!" Yeah, yeah...

So today, I looked him up on facebook. I wanted to be his friend, no sense in just talking to the guy. So I found his page, clicked on the little wall tab, and his status struck me. I felt my heart starting to race.

"I think I like someone." and "I swear, I saw an angel."

Now, I have no freaking clue if this is about me or not (I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, hope that it is...) but... I'm not going to get too worked up about it, "Yeah right!" (Shuddup, self.) because then I'll just get hurt. "SCHOOL!" SHUDDUP!

Meh. What does one do in this situation? Gahhhh. Him and his... gahhhhhh.

Frownieface? I have no idea. What the hell do I dooooooo?!

Thursday, September 9, 2010


First of all, the new "Google Instant" kind of scares me...

Second of all, I have an agenda. I'm making a To-Do list today. Yay!

1. Laundry.
2. Clean room.
3. Poem
4. "Good" essay
5. Supplies for Speech Arts folder
6. Math homework
7. AP Psych homework
8. American Studies homework
9. Go over monologue
10. Free-write
11. Work on a story.

Oy, that's a long list. I should really get started... I know yesterdays post was less than satisfactory, but I remembered right before I had to go to bed, and I really didn't want to spend half the night writing a suitable blog post. Besides, I had written two the day before. That has to count for something.

Off to start on this list.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


So, I have this teacher.
And she's more than bi-polar.
She's like, quin-polar.
Says I.

And that's all I have to say.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

One Way Streets

Ugh. You know, I was going to go to bed, and then I remembered something that I really wanted to talk about, and that's one way streets. I don't know what it's like in other countries, except for Canada, but here in America we all stay to the right side of the road. In fact, there are 165 countries that drive on the right side of the road, while there are only 75 which drive on the left side of the road. Why?

Do these people need to feel so special that they can't do what's right (no pun intended) and drive on the correct side of the road? Some might argue that it's culture, but I disagree. I think that the British (Yes, them. I know they're not the only ones who do, but most of the others are derived from British colonies, or still are, quite frankly, so that impact has almost forced them to drive on the left side of the road.) have a physiological need to be different, or trendy, or... whatever. I really don't care what the reason is, but today I decided to look around my school and notice which kids (freshman, mainly) were having problems going to the right sides of hallways.

Kids from Spanish or Portuguese speaking countries stayed on the right side of the hallway, (except for those who stopped in the middle to have a conversation, ugh. Don't get me started.), while kids from India and a few kids I know who are from Western Europe stuck to the left side of the hallway.

When I got home, I looked it up. It just so happens that India is a left-driving country, while countries like Brasil or Spain are right-driving countries. Huh.

So maybe we do learn things from our parents, things that we really can't control all that much. I'm sure that we all have odd little things that we've picked up from them, I personally found out that certain words that I thought were real weren't after I turned twelve. It was quite a heart-breaker.

But I decided to branch out with my theory that we learn them from our parents, which may be painstakingly obvious to you, so much so that you're sitting there going; "Duh, Siobhan. Can you please pick up a valid point now?" No, anonymous voice. I cannot. I decided that I would test it with animals.

No, I didn't inject them with botox or anything ridiculous like that. Instead, I put one of my cats at the bottom of the stairs, where he was eating a few treats I had left for him. I then waited for him to finish and look up at me, and then walked down the stairs, sticking to the right side for four times, then the left side for four times. I did this for each of my cats. ("Get a life, Siobhan!" I'm working on it...)

The results showed that the cats showed a preference for staying to their right, my left, just as American culture would have it. Now, unfortunately I can't test this with any British cats, but, if I could, I'm sure that it would be about the same as far as results.

That's about all I have to say on the matter, I just really wanted to get it out of my brain before it exploded with data that I always manage to forget to write down. I'm expecting tomorrows blog to be really long, I have twenty or so post-its piling up with things that I wanted to talk about, this being only one of the post-its. Make that nineteen to go!

Have a nice night.

Orange and The River Thames

Oy. Today was a long day. I guess I can't say was... the day is still going on technically. Let me rephrase.

Oy. Today was a long school day. There, that's better I suppose. Being a grammar nazi has it's advantages on occasion. Today, I'm trying out an experiment. I'm starting out each paragraph with the word "Oy." ...Alright, I guess it's not really a word. Superlative? Something like that. Hah, I have no idea. I just pulled that word out of no where. I have no idea what it means.

Oy, someone get me a dictionary. But it's really, really hot today. Why do I always wear pants on the hot days? Well, I wear pants every day. Hopefully. But I mean like... jeans. Um, nooooo. I shouldn't have worn them today.

So anyway... Whoops! Forgot to say Oy. Oh well... that was a stupid experiment anyway. There's this kid in my speech arts class who's like... paying attention to me. I mean, everyone pays attention to me, I'm a clown... and I take pride in that fact, because I'm probably the least sarcastic person you'll ever meet.

...That was sarcasm, darlings.

But this guy was paying attention to me, and... it was kind of nice. I forgot what that felt like. Haven't had a boyfriend since freshman year, kids. But he was really nice, and I really appreciated it. So, if you're ever reading this, boy. I noticed, and I appreciated it. Okay? Just know that. *Insert smile*

On a different field, I'm going to play some Fire Emblem to relax before I do my homework.

Have a nice rest of your day, see you tomorrow.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Attempting To Memorize...

ATTEMPT ONE: I'd like to tell you a story. There was a successful business woman who lived just outside of Austin. She was on her way to a sales conference in Fort Worth. Instead of flying, she decided to drive. She wanted to test the new Lexus that her company had awarded her just that week. She had the fuzz buster on, cruise control set at eighty, Garth on the tape deck. As she was driving, she noticed that the air was getting kind of dusty. A mile later she slowed down because the car was being rocked by a very strong wind. In the distance, coming her way, she saw a giant black funnel. It was a tornado. She stopped the car, having enough sense to open the windows a crack so they wouldn't explode. She then lay down on her front seat, covering her face and praying to God that the twister would pass her by without doing her harm. Suddenly, out of no where, a giant object falls onto her car, breaking the windshield. The woman screams. Cut to an hour later. The woman is now standing on the road, an entire tree laying across the hood of her new car. She tries her car phone, it doesn't work. Great, so here she is, in the middle of no where, no phone, no help, it's starting to get dark, what is this woman going to do? She sees a car coming up the road. It pulls over. It's a Cadillac Seville. A nice looking man gets out, early fifties, business suit, tie, gray at the temples. He reminds her of her boss. She glances through the window of the car, seeing a briefcase on the front seat, a Business Week, a take-out coffee cup, the steam rising over the dash. The sight is so comforting, she almost cries.

SUCCESS! See you all tomorrow


I still haven't memorized my lines... I know, I know. I'm a bad person, and I have to perform this thing tomorrow. WHAT AM I GONNA DOOOOOOOOO? Maybe I'll luck out and won't have to go tomorrow. But I still need to memorize them. It's just such a boring skit, and the movement can't be very complicated because they're giving a seminar, and... Meh.

Anywho, I really want some Cheerios right now. I've been craving them since dinner last night, and it's driving me CRAZY. So hungry...

Erm, so... I have to memorize my lines, and I started reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, because I finished Mockingjay, and I loved it. It was really good. So now I'm reading that. I don't know how I feel about it, so far. I feel like it has a really slow beginning, I know that much. But I'm sure that it's really good, otherwise it wouldn't be a movie... And it's on the best seller list. I know that much.

I don't really have much else to say. Today's labor day, or something... No school. Wooo! My internet is kind of spazzing. Fantastic.

See y'all on the flip side.

Sunday, September 5, 2010


I have to go memorize my lines, but I figured I'd write todays blog while I'm thinking about it. It's going to be pretty quick.

First of all, some genius started a twitter account for Voldemort. Funniest thing ever.
Go check it out.

Second of all, Fire Emblem is really addictive, and I hope you don't have to do anything important if you're going to play it, because you can pretty much guarantee that you won't get anything done.

Third of all, I'm more than halfway through Mockingjay. It's really good, and I think I'll reward myself with the end of the book after I memorize my lines.

That's all I have to say today, told you this would be short. I have to go memorize four pages, which isn't that much in retrospect, considering what I've had to memorize before.

Love, Peace, Chicken Grease.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Mocking Jay? No. Mockingjay.

I mentioned yesterday that I have to read a book this weekend for Creative Writing. I went to Borders today, happy to find that they had Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins ready and available. And at 20% discount, which is always a plus. So I got the book, as well as a keychain of the Mockingjay pin which is such a key element in the story. So I have it on my keys now, which makes me feel like a Capitol rebel!

...Or something to that effect. I also got The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, since it's being turned into a movie, and I always read the books before I see the movie. Of course, I won't be reading that until I finish reading Mockingjay.

So far, I like it. But I really can't make a judgment, because I'm only on page twenty-five or so. I really like the series, and it's kind of a bittersweet book already, because I know that it'll be the last book in the series... I can't wait to see how it ends, but at the same time I don't want it to end. It's quite an enigma.

I have two days to memorize two and a half pages for Acting class. I can do it. I don't really have any other homework for school, unless you count getting ahead on the reading I have to do. Off to play some video games until tonight. I think Saturdays are going to be my happy day.

Don't ask for favors. Don't talk to strangers. Don't ask me why.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Sing-A-Longs and Hand Grenades

First of all, the title of this post is completely irrelevant. No where in my day today did I encounter a sing-a-long or a hand grenade. I suppose I'm lucky...

Todays events included school. Aren't I exciting?

School started with me at the band room, as most days start. I walked to Creative Writing, where my teacher had us journal. I wrote about me being able to fly and being a badass super hero. The usual. She then explained what would be expected of us in the class, and what we could expect to be due next week. I have to read a book, prepare to write some kind of creative assignment on it, and I have to write a poem about my everyday life. That one shouldn't be too hard, I write what I do every day... Hence the blog. Then I had American Studies. Don't you love when half the class (of fifty-one) decides to not do their homework? Really makes you remember that you're in Danbury Freaking High School.

But I held my tongue and didn't say anything about the situation until I got home and was able to rant to my mother. We went to advisory, and then I went to the other half of American Studies, where we got in to a very heated discussion about Thomas Friedman's book: Hot, Flat, and Crowded. Not my favorite topic, but it was interesting enough that I was able to contribute.

After that I went to Madrigals, which was fun, and then to Pre-Calculus which was boring. Speech Arts was fun, and Acting proved challenging when the entire class had to work together to create a Human Machine. It was difficult, but we really connected and did it together as a class.

Then I had AP Psychology, where I filled in some information about myself... Tedious, but it's better than having to start the class in the heat.

So then I came home and slept until seven o'clock. Which is always a plus. I was really tired, apparently.

I don't have much else to say. I'm gonna go read and go to sleep, seeing as it's after ten thirty now.

Hmm, I'm sleepy.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

School Daze.

Today was the first day of school. All of my classes went well, I think I made an impression on the teacher in each, (I got that feeling during my American Studies class especially. The teacher handed out a paper with thirty current events questions. Most of them I just happened to know off the top of my head, and others I made an educated guess at. I got most of them right, and I think they took notice. Of course, that's hard to say. There are fifty-one kids in that class...) and it felt like the start to a really successful, really good year.

Let me go class by class for you:

Before School: Went to the band room to hang out with all of my friends. I didn't realize how much I had missed them. Especially Jack. He's my best friend, quite honestly. We don't see much of each other over the summer, but that has more to do with me working and him having gigs with his band. We got a chance to catch up, and he walked me to Advisory like the kind gentleman friend he is.
Advisory: First off, Advisory is like a homeroom, except it only meets once a week (Mondays after seventh period, oddly...) and you talk about issues through the school, voting for class presidents, schedule changes, and it's a time to do homework later in the year. So today I went, got the assignment books from the level office, and then was given my schedule (which was finally correct after three visits to the guidance councilor last year.) and sent off to my first period class.
Creative Writing: My teacher is insane. Insane in the good way, though. She's sarcastic (very much like me, actually...) and she expects a lot in the way of creativity and writing. Yay! She had us make nametags, we were aloud to ask her questions about her personal life to get to know her better, and then the bell rang (really short periods today...)
American Studies: There are fifty-one kids in this class. Oh my God. I don't know how I'll be able to work like this, though I guess it'll be a good tool because of all of the college classes that are lectures and large like this. It's really intimidating though. We did a thirty question current events worksheet, which I did fairly well on. I was proud that I was pretty well rounded as far as the answers I knew.
Madrigals: This is like a choir. I miss the old group, I'm not going to lie. And I'm the only girl that was in the class last year, which is both an honor and an intimidation. I kind of feel pressured to carry the weight of my entire section, which isn't a weight I'm really in the mood to carry, quite honestly. But we didn't have to sing much, which is good, because my voice was kind of tired because of the "Hi! I haven't seen you in forever! I miss you!" etc.
Pre-Calculus: Bah, humbug. KILL ME. I'm going to hate this class. I mean, math is great. I'm good at math, I can do it, but I have to work my freaking butt off to get it to work in my brain. This is going to be so hard, but I'm going to make it work... I hope.
Speech Arts: It's a good thing that I'm going to have this class right after math. I'm going to need an escape after that class. I'm so excited to be a part of this class, th be able to finally enjoy myself in an elective that wasn't something like choir. Don't get me wrong, I love Choir, but I'm just very excited to have a choice elective. It's exciting, and this is a good start. It involves a lot of moving, dancing, and putting yourself outside of your comfort zone, which is something I've always been good at as an actress.
Acting: Same teacher, same room. I'm so happy to have this class. It's going to be so much fun to get to act with my friends and all of the people I've been wanting to take Acting with since like... Freshman year? Good stuff. I'm excited.
AP Psychology: I had this teacher freshman year. Not sure that it's such a good thing, but, I liked the way she taught, and I think that I'll end up being good at this class.

I have friends in each. I'm so happy that I know people in every class, I'm tired of feeling like a stupid freshman who doesn't know anyone in their class. I'm good at making friends anyway, but, you know... It's a pain, really.

I'm going to go do my homework, because I have to do every single homework assignment that I get assigned. Day one, complete. Only one hundred and seventy nine days left until summer. School days, that is.


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Erm, Eight?

Dang, I kind of failed...

Okay, maybe not kinda. I really failed. Epically is the best way to put it. But what can I say? I had a job. I made about $500 this summer, which is very good, if I do say so myself.

Happy September First, by the way. School starts tomorrow. Yes, I'm nervous. I'm not going to lie. But, I did all of my summer work with a few days to spare, so I don't feel like a slacker. It actually amazes me how my friends can sit there and be okay with not doing any of their summer work.

I like to be prepared for school;

Binders, Folders? Check.
Pencils, Pens, Hilighters? Check.
Post-its? Check.
Paper? Check.
Calculator, Books, Summer work? Check.

Yep, I think I'm ready. Anyway, here's my class schedule:

Period 1: (Semester 1) Creative Writing
Period 1: (Semester 2) Web Design Business
Period 2: American Studies
Period 3: American Studies
Period 4: Madrigals
Period 5: Honors Pre-Calc
Period 6: (Semester 1) Speech Arts
Period 6: (Semester 2) Multi-Cultural Issues
Period 7: Acting
Period 8: AP Psyc.

I'm excited about it. It's a pretty solid schedule. Sure, that AP class is going to be hell, and I'm pretty sure that Pre-Calc isn't going to be a walk in the park either... But, what am I supposed to do? It's going to be my junior year in high school. This is the year that decides what college I go to. If I play my cards right, meaning honor roll all four quarters, I'll not only have an insurance discount for driving, I'll also have quite a few college doors open for me. Which always helps.

So I had to read four books this summer. They were good. I had to read:

The Things They Carried - Tim O'Brian
The Namesake - Jhumpa Lahiri
Hot, Flat, & Crowded - Thomas Friedman
Blink! - Malcolm Gladwell

I enjoyed The Things They Carried, to an extent. It's not my favorite genre of book, but I enjoyed it for what it is. I really liked The Namesake. I liked the authors style of writing, and I loved the message of the book. Really well written, and I'd actually go so far as to recommend it to people. Hot, Flat, & Crowded was Long, Dumb and Boring. Seriously, I couldn't have cared less about the book. Sure, I know it's important to know about our economy, and to know how we landed in the desperate recession that we're in right now. But it could have been more exciting. The author used big words that I'm pretty sure he made up, and it just was unnecessarily boring. I loved Blink! It was amazing. If this is what that AP Psyc class is like, sign me up! The talk of all of the experiments about subconscious decisions was amazing. All of the tests within the book, everything. I even went so far as to go online and take one of the tests that the book mentioned.

But of course, I haven't said what I've been doing all summer;

Richter was a major part of this season, as always. I participated with all three shows. For the first, Guys and Dolls, I acted as the assistant stage manager. It was a good job, involved a lot of set moving among other things. The second show was 42nd Street, and I was the Stage Manager. That was a huge job, and the one that I got payed to do. I called people and let them know when there were rehearsals, when, what time, what dance shoes they would need. I delegated spiking the stage and set movements during shows based on who was on what side of the stage during which scene who wasn't getting changed. It was a lot of work, but I did it, and I did it damn well. The third show was Carousel. Not the most happy of shows, but I was part of the cast for it, and I had a pretty good time.

Other than that, my life consisted of reading, playing video games, and watching episodes of Supernatural, Dr. Who and American Chopper (Fantastic shows by the way). Don't get me wrong, I did plenty of writing too. I started a new story, and just today I went through and found all of the stories that I've been working on, decided on one to work on until I finish.

But then there's always Nation Novel Writing Month coming up. And of course, the rules for that require that you start a new story. Ugh. Rules can be rules. But I'll probably ignore the rules and just work on whatever story I'm working on. Which happens to be a story called Severance, which is kind of cool. I'm excited to see how it works out. It plays up the old cliche of the daughter finding out that her parents are part of some secret organization, that she was raised and destined to save the world, whatever. You know, the usual.

So it's the start of another school year. Hard to believe I've been through Thirteen of these, including pre-school. Of course, there isn't just school to worry about. I'm the vice president of Tri-M. I'm going to be joining NAHS, and then there's the play to worry about. At least I'm not doing swim team this year, it's always important to balance yourself. And between school and after-school activities, I'm sure I'll be busy enough to need to balance myself with some writing, or a book, or a nice long conversation with my sister, or even the occasional episode of Dr. Who.

It'll be a good year, but like any new year (even a school year) I have to make a resolution.

My resolution for this year is to do every homework assignment. Every single one. Rehearsal and after-school won't be excuses, because I have to do every single one.

I'm excited to see where this resolution takes me, and to see what doors it opens up for my future. This is a life changing year, let's see how I change.


Thursday, July 15, 2010


It's still summer... I'm tired. Things have happened. I'm not in the mood to share. Maybe tomorrow, or at a time when I can actually keep my eyes open.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Summer Days: Day 6/7

Can you believe it's only been a week of summer? It feels like so much more, doesn't it? Ugh, what am I going to do with myself for all of this time? Sure, there's reading, blogging, writing, stage managing, homework, even (though that's a stretch) but I'm just so bored.

Scratch that, I'm just really, really tired. These 7-11 rehearsals at Richter are kicking my butt right now. I should probably sleep, I have a lot to do for Richter tomorrow. Job Chart? Ew.... That'll be fun. Not.

On the bright side, I'm slowly but surely putting TV shows on my iPod. And by slowly, I mean at the speed of a turtle stuck in molasses. Life, you're killing me. Slowly, but surely.

So nothing exciting happened yesterday or today. I watched some TV, some YouTube, read, wrote, went to rehearsal, etc. I'm doing so badly at this "everyday blogging" thing... Maybe I'm just not cut out for it? That's a lie, I love it.

My sarcastic mood will wear off after a solid nights rest, and then I'll write something meaningful in the morning. Maybe... Probably... Hopefully.


Sunday, June 27, 2010

Summer Days: Day 4/5

Eh, so I forgot one day. I'll consolidate. I'm saving the environment.

So today was a pretty good day. I think my parents got food poisoning at the wedding they went to last night. They're both super, duper sick and like... dying. Okay, so that's an extreme, but they're definitely sick, which is bad...

On a side note, I downloaded all of the episodes of The Guild onto my iPod, and have been fighting iTunes with swords for hours trying to get them EXACTLY as I want them in a playlist. It's very demanding. I'm feeling faint.

No reading... I'll read during the day. Maybe.

I have a lot to do this coming week. I need props. Prop list. Eh! MUST BE A GOOD STAGE MANAGER.

I'll start by going to bed...soon.

See? Consolidation complete.

PS: My iPod failed at accepting that I know more than it does. It self imploded. Crap.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Summer Days: Day 3

Today is Friday; the beginning of the weekend. And to be more specific, the beginning of the second weekend of the production of Guys and Dolls that is playing at Richter Park this summer. It seems almost like summer is trying to fly by quickly. Even though it's only day three, I almost find myself being bored. Last night, I was up until obscene hours of the night, just because I was bored and couldn't sleep. And... well yes. Let's face it. Also because I can.

But I have so much to do this summer! This weekend! I really just want everything to go smoothly, but I don't know how this is all going to work. It's almost like, even though it's summer, I'm still in that state of mind where I'm constantly working. Is this how adults feel? I sure hope not.

Anyway, I have something else to talk about. Maybe it's allergies or something, but lately, every time I eat, I get sick to my stomach. Not like, nausea, but more like that feeling that you just ate something rancid and now you don't feel good... But every single time... It's weird, and I almost don't want to eat anymore, because I don't want to disrupt my stomach. I don't know. Whatever.

I stayed up until three in the morning last night. Why? I was watching this show that someone tweeted about, called The Guild. I'd never even heard of it before, but I'm so glad that I watched it. It's so funny. Each episode is like five minutes long, and the basics of it is that there are a group of people who play a game that's similar to World of Warcraft, and they've formed a guild called the Knights of Good. But then one of the guild members goes missing, and shows up at the main character's house and says that he's in love with her. And then they meet each other in real life, and everything is changed.

But anyway, I recommend the show, because it's really funny. And the new season of The Guild comes out on July 13th, which isn't that far away.

I need to clean my room so I'll be able to go out after the show tonight. I do live to party. Not really, but I enjoy going out with the cast for a drink (mine include Mountain Dew most of the time.) Let me make a To Do List for today.

-Make chore chart
-Learn "June" dance
-Clean my desk
-Clean my bookcase and the floor next to it

I probably won't get around to the chore chart... I'll make that tomorrow when I go to the dancing school...

YANTA mushrooms? Probably.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Summer Days: Day 2

So, I've been thinking about what I was going to write all day. "Is anything interesting going to happen? What if I freeze and end up having nothing to say?" Well, conscience, never fear. Stuff happens, and I'm here to talk about it.

First of all, I haven't gotten started on my IMMENSE summer reading list, partially because I want to get my required reading out of the way. I have to read three books, do a report on one, quotes on another, and be ready to give an oral presentation on the third. Needless to say; that will take me some time. So, I think I'm going to have to eliminate some books from that list... We'll take this as it comes, though.

Second of all, I've been Dailyboothing for about four or five days straight as of today, and I'm proud of myself. This is the longest I've ever gone... We'll see how long it lasts, but you can check out my Dailybooth at this link. And on top of that, I've been doing regular twitter updates, so, if you're so inclined, feel free to follow me on twitter at this link.

I just got home from rehearsal, and I'd like to say what a horrible feeling it was. The rehearsal process is fantastic, don't get me down. But the feeling that I'm doing something wrong is just horrible. Every time we took a break, I was practicing that freaking dance, and every time I would get it right. I'm one of those people who has to keep trying to ingrain it into my freakish brain. So I did, and I worked my ass of to try and keep up with the real dancers. Yes, I made mistakes, but I did my best. But I have to say that it is the worst feeling in the world when you can see the choreographer and the director whispering to each other and then pointing at people and nodding. Are they saying how much I suck? Probably. Are they complimenting how hard I'm working? I seriously doubt it.

And to be honest with you, I feel like it has nothing to do with dancing ability. Let's say there are two girls. Girl 1, and Girl 2. Girl 1 is about five foot six, very slender and can't dance too well. Girl 2 is about five foot even, not slender by any means, and also isn't a dancer. Nine out of ten times, they will choose Girl 1. And quite honestly, I don't think that's fair. At all.

But that's just me rambling about my weight and what not. I'm going to do something about that this summer. I know I say that every year, at least three times, but I really mean it. I'm watching what I eat, cutting out soda, and not eating bread or starches. It's a hard thing, like getting over a nicotine addiction, but it'll work out. They say that if you resist the temptation 356 times, you'll have broken the habit. But, that being said, you can still fall right back into the familiarity of that habit without blinking an eye.

In other news, it's just after ten at night, and... well... I'm really not tired. My schedule is completely backwards, and I really plan on staying up for... a solid forever. Sounds good, eh? We'll see what I'll be saying tomorrow night during Guys and Dolls performance, or the following morning at 42nd Street and then another show of Guys and Dolls. I'm just so busy! ASKDFASLJKFDAJD!

I feel like I have no more time to be a kid. There's no one telling me to eat my green vegetables anymore, no one telling me I have to go to bed at a certain time (Well... there is for that one, but I have a huge tendency to ignore it and then sleep in. Summer...) and to some extent, my room has been extremely messy... So... I don't know. I'll say it like it is.

My name is Siobhan Kathleen Ryan.
I was born in Pt. Charlotte, Florida.
I currently reside in Danbury, Connecticut.
I am entering my Junior year at Danbury High School.
I'm five feet tall, with long brown curly hair and light brown eyes.
I'm not skinny by any means.
I love to sing, but I've never taken lessons.
I want to learn how to play the piano and the guitar
I'm the vice president of Tri-M in my school.
I'm also going to be the leader of an a capella singing group out of Tri-M
I've been taking French since I was in Kindergarten
I hate French.
My favorite colours are purple, red and yellow.
I like animals that are black and white, or shades of gray.
I like really bold patterns that catch your eye.
I don't drink soda.
I'm a stage manager for 42nd Street at Richter Park.
I'm the assistant stage manager for Guys and Dolls at Richter Park
I'm in Carousel at Richter Park, where I think I might be dancing.
I'll be starting a tap class in the fall.
I love to act.
I love to write stories that go no where.
I'm me.

I think that sums me up. Like, honestly, I'm amazing with giving everything an adjective. Except for myself, of course... I guess that makes me kind of... See? No clue.

I was sitting in my math class, taking the final, and I was thinking about my writing. So, I go up, hand my final in and take out the book that I happened to have in my bag (I had lent it to someone). I didn't feel like starting it, because I wasn't interested in reading it right that moment, so instead I read about the author's inspiration for the book, hoping to spark some of my own. Instead, I found this quote. Let's just say that it describes my writing to a T.

"Your theme is good, as are your sentences. Your characters are so ruddy with life they practically need birth certificates. The plot you've mapped out for them is grand, simple and gripping. You've done your research, gathering the facts; historical, social, climatic, culinary--which will give your story its feel of authenticity. The dialogue zips along, crackling with tension. The descriptions burst with colour, contrast and telling detail. Really, your story can only be great. But it all adds up to nothing. In spite of the obvious, shining promise of it, there comes a moment when you realize that the whisper that has been pestering you all along from the back of your mind is speaking the flat, awful truth: it won't work. An element is missing, that spark that brings to life a real story, regardless of whether the history or the food is right. Your story is emotionally dead, that's the crux of it. The discovery is something soul-destroying, I tell you. It leaves you with an aching hunger."

Maybe you're not a writer, maybe you are. But to me, that quote is like... Everything. That describes writing so perfectly, and is written so eloquently it just makes me want to give up and go "Yup. He said it. Good bye, writing." And walk away, suitcase in hand, never to return back to that little section of my brain.

Sometimes I feel like my brain is a giant office building. There's the math section; cubicles filled with "number-people" who dictate the answers to me. The writing section; where letters type furiously to try and spark some inspiration, and about a billion other sections of this office building, that seem to be running simultaneously. My brain can multitask better than I can. That whole breathing while blinking while typing thing? Go brain, go.

Ugh, I don't know what to say next. I'm all out of ideas for things to talk about, so I'll leave you with a poem I found on Poem Hunter.

'Summer Light -Thru the Trees
Summer Light - Spotted Me
Summer Light - Palest Gold
Summer Light - Bright and Bold

I Saw Summer Light Descend
Summer Light, Made Shadows Bend
Summer Light, On An Emerald Pond
I Reached Out… It Touched My Palm

Summer Light, It Fell Like Powder
Or a Floating Incandescent Feather
Came Down, Like A Sheer, White Swan
Summer Light – Lifted Wing-Like Arms

So Sunrays Slanted – Shone-Misty
Summer Light-Beams, Embraced Me
Warm, Wonderful Summer Light
Touch Me Tender, Solar- Might

Summer Light, When I Was Lost
Summer Light, Found Me Before Frost
Summer Light - None Else Looked For Me…
Summer Light Said, “I Always See…”'

By MoonBee Canady

Until tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Summer Days: Day 1

SCHOOL IS FINALLY OUT! That's right, world. School is out for summer. YES! Right now, it's one in the morning. I'm going to go to bed after I finish writing this, but technically it's the first day of summer... WOOT!

So, we had graduation. I didn't cry, which I was proud of, and I'm going to miss the seniors... There are a few in particular, but I won't mention any names, because I know I'll be forgetting people.

It's summer. And I plan on blogging every day. EVERY DAY. Hyper? No... But! I'm not just going to be blogging about my whole "OMG IT'S SUMMER" nonsense, and what I'm doing, there'll be movies to go see and rate, shows to run, books to read, and yes, sunburns to acquire. Speaking of which, the first sunburn of summer is healing nicely on top of my shoulders.

I made a list of books that I'm going to read. Want to hear the list? Or read it, rather?

Books To Read
-The Heretic Queen (Michelle Moran)
-Dragon Tears (Dean Koontz)
-The House of Thunder (Dean Koontz)
-The Darkest Evening of the Year (Dean Koontz)
-A Ring of Endless Light (Madeleine L'engle)
-The Time Traveler's Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
-The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Ann Brashares)
-The Second Summer of the Sisterhood (Ann Brashares)
-The Magician's Nephew (C.S. Lewis)
-Trisellion (Will Peterson)
-The Divide (Elizabeth Kay)
-A Bend in the Road (Nicholas Sparks)
-Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
-Eon (Alison Goodman)
-A Journey To The Center Of The Earth (Jules Verne)
-The Story of Forgetting (Stefan Merrill Block)
-Hoot (Carl Hiaasen)
-City of the Beasts (Isabel Allende)
-Kingdom of the Golden Dragon (Isabel Allende)
-Kabul Beauty School (Deborah Rodriguez)
-The Third Angel (Alice Hoffman)

As you can see, this isn't a miniscule list. In fact, I'd be completely pleased with reading about half of these books; granted I really enjoy them. I'm excited.

Things To Do
-Guys and Dolls
-42nd Street
-Go Bowling
-Have a Sweet 16 Party

I think that's all for now. I can't wait for summer to commence. TGIS? Thank God It's Summer.

YANTA hashbrowns.
(You Are Now Thinking About...)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Erm... Insert Topic Here, Please

I have nothing to say at the moment. I'm procrastinating. I guess that's saying something though... I don't want to go study! Two more days of school, two more days of school. AND THEN I'M FREE FOR LIKE TWO MONTHS!

French and World Studies tomorrow. Not looking forward to the first one, but then I can go up to my French teacher and say "Hello. Thank you for forever ruining this language. I'm never taking French again because of you, good riddance." And leave.

...Okay, so maybe I won't say that but I've definitely been thinking about it. I'll think it really loud. Maybe she'll be able to hear me.

Almost done. Almost done. God, summer is SO CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT. It's killing me. I have summer fever.

It sucks that we have finals like... the last few days of school. Honestly, life would be SO MUCH EASIER if we just had to take them earlier. No one can focus during these last few days, why should I be any different. Oh, parents. That's right. Fantastic.

Maybe I will go study... after a snack. And a nap. And some mindless cartoons. (Don't judge, I learn.) Eh. Procrastination at its finest.

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

Thursday, June 17, 2010


I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm just not happy at the moment. Today was such a high, too. But then she has to come and ruin it; pretending she knows everything about everything. I have news for you; you don't. Frustration and anger only lead to bad thoughts. I'll try to repress them; no promises.

I wish that I could re-do this year. Honestly, I've been thinking about what I would have done differently, if I had to live my whole life over again. But then I think that I probably wouldn't have the friends that I have right now because of some world-ending paradox.

I would have tried harder academically; I kind of gave up after the end of first and third quarter. I don't know what it is, but something in me just snaps and I can't deal with school anymore. Like, right now, I'm procrastinating going to sleep because I don't want to wake up and have to go to school. At all. School; you suck. I wish I cared more about my grades. Like, I only care in certain classes; Algebra, World Studies, English. The rest can go jump off a bridge. But that's not how it's supposed to be.

I'm lost academically. I don't know where I want to be, and therefore I don't want to try to figure it out. Honest to God, I would much rather just sleep all day. But that's no way to live. Someone help me find myself. The self I used to be.

Don't say you're proud of me when I've lost my way.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Devices of Cruelty

I haven't written in quite a while... Not to say that I haven't been busy, but I could have made time, I could have not neglected this responsibility that I hold highly into consideration when I sit at a computer. The need to empty my thoughts will come to me eventually, and some time the urge is so strong, I just have to write.

Today, however is not one of those times. Not right now, at least. It is currently 6:30 AM on the briskly chilly morning of June 15th, 2010. I am wearing flannel black pajama pants and a gray shirt, and even though it is summer, my toes are freezing. I'm sure that this won't be the case when this gets published. I have a deep tendency to start writing when I don't really have time to, and then I save and go back and finish later, but by then my thoughts are so spread out across the canvas it's tough to determine one full thought from another.

Is there such a thing as a multi-thinker? I'm going to go out on a whim and assume that it would entail thinking of multiple things at the same time. I noticed it yesterday, when taking a World Studies test in class. I would begin one answer, and be writing it, knowing what I was writing, while thinking of the answer to another question. It was kind of weird, but maybe I was just more awake than usual, so that's why I noticed it.

Richter is back in full swing. I think this is when I'm the happiest; when it's Richter time. This school year didn't go exactly as planned... at all... Actually, Sophomore year sucked. There, I said it. Maybe it was the rush of finally being in high school that made being a Freshman so great, but Sophomore year definitely sucked.

As far as grades went, I didn't really accomplish my goal of "Straight A's!" When it would have been beneficial to me... But who cares about grades right? Colleges? Psh. I'm going to be on broadway. Yeah, take that dream and shove it in some dark remote corner of some desk where the paint is so far peeling that the layers underneath are pealing. It's never going to happen.

I don't know what happened during school; for some reason the competitive part of me that wanted to get such good grades, that used to get upset when I'd fail a test... It just got used to it and then it didn't care. I don't even get that sinking feeling at the bottom of my stomach anymore when I fail, I don't cry, I don't get upset, nothing. I just laugh at it, and almost flaunt it a little bit. And that's really, really not good. I'm going to have to fix that, and almost re-train my body to strive for better grades. Maybe it's the act of studying that preps me, tells me that I don't have to fail, and then I get excited because, well, I'm not going to fail! But I don't think I've studied for a test in months. I've just given up hope. No one has done anything about it, and the tests that actually mater (Algebra, English, World Studies) Those are my best subjects. Woot.

I don't know. I think I need some motivation... A competitive game, perhaps? I bet I'll do better on this test than you will. That could work, that way I could bring out my competitive side in a more realistic and responsible way. Definitely a plus...

On a side note, it is now not 6:30 in the morning, it is 4:30 in the evening. No, it did not take me that long to write these moderately irrelevant words, I had to go to school. But now I'm home, and I need to finish a project. Oh, woe is me.


So, I read this book recently. Very good, highly recommended. It was called Nefertiti. I absolutely loved it. Honestly, I had forgotten my passion for everything "Mummy-like" since I last watched the movie. Maybe I'll watch it on Friday when I get home. Of course, that will be extremely late... Eh, who cares. Anyway, it was about this queen, and this sister, and poison, and the baby, and the general, and the monkeys dressed like soldiers and Aten, and OMGFANGIRLSQUEAL.

Except I am not a fan-girl, nor will I ever be. Just for the record.

But anyway, I think it's fair to be a fan of a book that you thoroughly enjoyed. (For the record, no one has enjoyed Twilight. They've pretended that they did so they could be popular, but I've never met a legitimate person who absolutely adores Twilight. Now, there are people who do that with Harry Potter, but that's completely normal, so I have nothing more to say on that subject.)

But I picked it up at Target like a month ago, and we got assigned an IRP (Independent Reading Project. We get like, three a year) for the fourth quarter, so I figured I'd just read that one. We had to write a 2-3 page plot summary, and do two creative projects. I made a travel brochure about the city of Amanara, the city they build in the book, and also a newspaper, that's kind of like a timeline; following some of the important events in like "newspaper" form... I think they're turning out really well. I finished the plot summary today in school, and now I only have to do the other half of the newsletter. Which I think is amazing, considering I did these projects in like... Three hours total, and they're pretty badass if I do say so myself.

I'd like to talk about ice cream now. I know, completely irrelevant, but I'm really in like a "food ranting" mood. Why the hell do they insist on keeping the ice cream frozen solid when it's at the stupid grocery store? It's like trying to digest a rock! IT DOESN'T WORK, GROCERY STORE ATTENDANTS. TRY SOMETHING ELSE. Raising the temperature of the freezer, perhaps? But seriously. It's very annoying. And I think we need a new microwave; because we put ice cream in there for ten seconds and then it's the perfect temperature. I'm pretty sure that it should be melted if you put it in for like... ten seconds... But that's just me. Microwaves, ice cream problems. I'm a mess.

My eyes are like closing on me; I'm so exhausted. Oh, did I mention Super Intense Writing Comp? That's what I like to call it. SIWC? You try and write as many words as you can over the summer. Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. My goal is around 100,000; but I might surpass that. *Technically* it started on the first of June, but I'm still in school, so this isn't exactly working out... I have around eleven thousand words at the moment though.

Is there anything else? I feel like there was something else... Maybe not. I have to go to Richter in a few hours. There's still spray paint on my hands. It. Won't. Come. Off.


Watch out for German Leprechauns; I hear they're vicious this time of year.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Ten Days Later

I haven't written in ten whole days. That sucks... I should really get that "frequent" thing to happen so that I can explain myself better.

Although, I have been sick for the past two days. It sucks... My head hurts, so does my throat, but I think that's from coughing and such. And not for nothing, but this cold would be a whole helluva lot better if I didn't have asthma... Sometimes I hate my lungs. Correction; I always hate my lungs.

I've been watching Yu-Gi-Oh lately. I really like it; it's the first real anime that I've watched. A lot of my friends have been watching Death Note, but I had already started Yu-Gi-Oh, so I wanted to finish before I watch Death Note, even if it means sitting through five seasons of it.

I'm kind of sleepy, and I don't really know what to say. It's weird to think, but I really started blogging last summer, and it's odd to think that it's almost summer again. Of course, my blog from last summer has been deleted, and then there was another blog, which evolved into this blog. Happiness.

Time to watch episode 156 of Yu-Gi-Oh.

It's time to duel.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Contingent Cognition

Today was a pretty interesting. I mean, I enjoyed school today, I've had quite a few subs today in school, and then after school, there was a fundraiser. It was such a cool fundraiser too; a dodgeball tournament? I wanted to go so badly, but... of course, I had no money. Not unusual.

What really bothered me the most was that my friend offered to pay for me, and then "left" his wallet in a classroom. Okay. Empty promises, much? I had to walk home, and I was very upset. Of course, I won't let him know that he upset me, he doesn't deserve that. I just... I know it was wrong for me to ask for money in the first place, but... I just... I never get to go anywhere. Like, right now. My friends and I had made plans to go to "Movement to Music" which is like a concert at my school. I was really excited, and I told my parents about it for a few days, but they seem to have forgotten. My little brother has a concert tonight, and of course everyone is going to that. I really don't want to go, so I'm not going to, but I'm not allowed to go to Movement to Music. That's two things in one day. Why am I not surprised?

So many people are fake these days. One of my friends, is bugging me. She has a new boyfriend, but not because she's being herself. She's not being herself at all. She dyed her hair black (which is fine, I have no problem with hair dye) but now she's getting all of these piercings and gages, and she changes her attitude and what she says depending on who she's talking to. Now, I don't know about you, but that's pretty much the definition of fake. I don't know, maybe I'm just being a bit too dramatic...

I don't know, I'm feeling kind of bummed at the moment; the end of school is right around the corner, and I have to sing at graduation. The poem above? I have to sing that one. Gah. I'm going to cry, I know it. I just feel like it's such sad song. When I sing the last line, I always tear up, and I know my emotions are going to multiply by twenty million by the end of the song at the actual performance. I've just met so many new people this year, and people that I knew last year, who I wasn't really friends with, I've grown close to. Like my best friend, his older sister is one of my other best friends. She's so cool, and I love her to death. I'm sad that she's going away to college, but at least I know that Ill get to see her sometimes because I hang out at their house all the time.

I'm reluctant to go toward the end of the year. I know that it's been a difficult year, but right now I just feel like my life is on fast forward. Maybe I just need to press pause? Chew it over with a twix bar, read a book, play some flute, piano, guitar and then head back into my life. Or sleep. That'd be nice too... Either way, I'm going to go clean the kitchen.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Fulmination & Electrical Discharge

It's raining again. It's always raining here. Isn't it weird that I have my creative streaks at night? I literally was watching a movie, and I was like "I HAVE TO WRITE OR I'LL EXPLODE" So, here I am, staring at this blank canvas again, and... the words are gone. Where do they go? Why won't they come back? It's always freaking raining, both here and in my mind.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A Fighter With No Fight

Does this ever happen to you? You have all of these emotions, built up, ready to burst. You feel like a balloon, malleable, adaptable, but when push comes to shove, and you open up that page, ready to write down everything that you're feeling, letting it explode onto the page, your balloon has popped, and the pieces left behind have shrunken back into the lies of manufactured rubber that you always were.

I feel like this happens to me all the time. There's so much going on, and then when I come to write about it, I have no clue what to say. There's no words for what I need to say, and then I just feel stupid for opening up a blog in the first place, when all I'm really doing is wasting my time. Emotions are so over-rated. Maybe I'm just feeling slightly overwhelmed. Maybe I'm maturing.

I got my haircut yesterday. More than a foot cut off. It looks really good; I'm quite pleased. And I noticed today that I seemed to be walking around with more of a natural confidence, the kind that I used to have. But then I look around. A bunch of my friends have gotten together, and I feel like I haven't had that kind of attention since last year, with my last boyfriend, and even still... He wasn't that fantastic. I feel horrible about myself. I feel like the only way I'm going to get that kind of attention is if I was skinny. If I looked around at all of the relationships in my school, more than 75% of them are with skinny girls. That makes me feel like crap. And then, of course, I came home and watched Glee, and it happened to be the episode where Mercedes realizes that she doesn't have to be skinny to get attention. But what did that do? It just made me feel stupid for caring about it in the first place. But I do. I can't deny the fact that I care about what other people think about me. Sure, I don't sweat the small stuff. I shrug it off and let it go. But the bigger stuff? Everything else? That scares the crap out of me, and it hurts me.

I think I have this fantasy in my head of what I look like on the inside, which is why I cringe when I walk near a mirror or a reflective surface. Remember that song? The one from Mulan? "Why can't my reflection show who I am inside?" Why can't it? Or at least, why can people only see what's on the outside. I feel like if I was skinny, people would like me more, and then I flip out and get upset, and that only brings me to eat more (because I don't know about you, but I definitely eat when I'm upset...)

Sometimes I feel like I think differently than the rest of the world; that everyone else only sees what isn't important; talent, looks and clothes. I shop at Target. I can't afford Hollister clothes. I can't afford American Eagle or Abrecrombie and Fitch or Areo. I'm not that girl. I'm not the kind of girl who can eat as much as she wants and still be the size of a twig. I wish I was. I just... I needed to rant. And so I did. But honestly, I've lost what makes me who I am, and I don't want to be the kind of person who grovels at people for scraps of attention, which is what I've become.

Just forget it all.