Saturday, May 15, 2010

Contingent Cognition

Today was a pretty interesting. I mean, I enjoyed school today, I've had quite a few subs today in school, and then after school, there was a fundraiser. It was such a cool fundraiser too; a dodgeball tournament? I wanted to go so badly, but... of course, I had no money. Not unusual.

What really bothered me the most was that my friend offered to pay for me, and then "left" his wallet in a classroom. Okay. Empty promises, much? I had to walk home, and I was very upset. Of course, I won't let him know that he upset me, he doesn't deserve that. I just... I know it was wrong for me to ask for money in the first place, but... I just... I never get to go anywhere. Like, right now. My friends and I had made plans to go to "Movement to Music" which is like a concert at my school. I was really excited, and I told my parents about it for a few days, but they seem to have forgotten. My little brother has a concert tonight, and of course everyone is going to that. I really don't want to go, so I'm not going to, but I'm not allowed to go to Movement to Music. That's two things in one day. Why am I not surprised?

So many people are fake these days. One of my friends, is bugging me. She has a new boyfriend, but not because she's being herself. She's not being herself at all. She dyed her hair black (which is fine, I have no problem with hair dye) but now she's getting all of these piercings and gages, and she changes her attitude and what she says depending on who she's talking to. Now, I don't know about you, but that's pretty much the definition of fake. I don't know, maybe I'm just being a bit too dramatic...

I don't know, I'm feeling kind of bummed at the moment; the end of school is right around the corner, and I have to sing at graduation. The poem above? I have to sing that one. Gah. I'm going to cry, I know it. I just feel like it's such sad song. When I sing the last line, I always tear up, and I know my emotions are going to multiply by twenty million by the end of the song at the actual performance. I've just met so many new people this year, and people that I knew last year, who I wasn't really friends with, I've grown close to. Like my best friend, his older sister is one of my other best friends. She's so cool, and I love her to death. I'm sad that she's going away to college, but at least I know that Ill get to see her sometimes because I hang out at their house all the time.

I'm reluctant to go toward the end of the year. I know that it's been a difficult year, but right now I just feel like my life is on fast forward. Maybe I just need to press pause? Chew it over with a twix bar, read a book, play some flute, piano, guitar and then head back into my life. Or sleep. That'd be nice too... Either way, I'm going to go clean the kitchen.