Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Ten Days Later

I haven't written in ten whole days. That sucks... I should really get that "frequent" thing to happen so that I can explain myself better.

Although, I have been sick for the past two days. It sucks... My head hurts, so does my throat, but I think that's from coughing and such. And not for nothing, but this cold would be a whole helluva lot better if I didn't have asthma... Sometimes I hate my lungs. Correction; I always hate my lungs.

I've been watching Yu-Gi-Oh lately. I really like it; it's the first real anime that I've watched. A lot of my friends have been watching Death Note, but I had already started Yu-Gi-Oh, so I wanted to finish before I watch Death Note, even if it means sitting through five seasons of it.

I'm kind of sleepy, and I don't really know what to say. It's weird to think, but I really started blogging last summer, and it's odd to think that it's almost summer again. Of course, my blog from last summer has been deleted, and then there was another blog, which evolved into this blog. Happiness.

Time to watch episode 156 of Yu-Gi-Oh.

It's time to duel.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Contingent Cognition

Today was a pretty interesting. I mean, I enjoyed school today, I've had quite a few subs today in school, and then after school, there was a fundraiser. It was such a cool fundraiser too; a dodgeball tournament? I wanted to go so badly, but... of course, I had no money. Not unusual.

What really bothered me the most was that my friend offered to pay for me, and then "left" his wallet in a classroom. Okay. Empty promises, much? I had to walk home, and I was very upset. Of course, I won't let him know that he upset me, he doesn't deserve that. I just... I know it was wrong for me to ask for money in the first place, but... I just... I never get to go anywhere. Like, right now. My friends and I had made plans to go to "Movement to Music" which is like a concert at my school. I was really excited, and I told my parents about it for a few days, but they seem to have forgotten. My little brother has a concert tonight, and of course everyone is going to that. I really don't want to go, so I'm not going to, but I'm not allowed to go to Movement to Music. That's two things in one day. Why am I not surprised?

So many people are fake these days. One of my friends, is bugging me. She has a new boyfriend, but not because she's being herself. She's not being herself at all. She dyed her hair black (which is fine, I have no problem with hair dye) but now she's getting all of these piercings and gages, and she changes her attitude and what she says depending on who she's talking to. Now, I don't know about you, but that's pretty much the definition of fake. I don't know, maybe I'm just being a bit too dramatic...

I don't know, I'm feeling kind of bummed at the moment; the end of school is right around the corner, and I have to sing at graduation. The poem above? I have to sing that one. Gah. I'm going to cry, I know it. I just feel like it's such sad song. When I sing the last line, I always tear up, and I know my emotions are going to multiply by twenty million by the end of the song at the actual performance. I've just met so many new people this year, and people that I knew last year, who I wasn't really friends with, I've grown close to. Like my best friend, his older sister is one of my other best friends. She's so cool, and I love her to death. I'm sad that she's going away to college, but at least I know that Ill get to see her sometimes because I hang out at their house all the time.

I'm reluctant to go toward the end of the year. I know that it's been a difficult year, but right now I just feel like my life is on fast forward. Maybe I just need to press pause? Chew it over with a twix bar, read a book, play some flute, piano, guitar and then head back into my life. Or sleep. That'd be nice too... Either way, I'm going to go clean the kitchen.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Fulmination & Electrical Discharge

It's raining again. It's always raining here. Isn't it weird that I have my creative streaks at night? I literally was watching a movie, and I was like "I HAVE TO WRITE OR I'LL EXPLODE" So, here I am, staring at this blank canvas again, and... the words are gone. Where do they go? Why won't they come back? It's always freaking raining, both here and in my mind.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A Fighter With No Fight

Does this ever happen to you? You have all of these emotions, built up, ready to burst. You feel like a balloon, malleable, adaptable, but when push comes to shove, and you open up that page, ready to write down everything that you're feeling, letting it explode onto the page, your balloon has popped, and the pieces left behind have shrunken back into the lies of manufactured rubber that you always were.

I feel like this happens to me all the time. There's so much going on, and then when I come to write about it, I have no clue what to say. There's no words for what I need to say, and then I just feel stupid for opening up a blog in the first place, when all I'm really doing is wasting my time. Emotions are so over-rated. Maybe I'm just feeling slightly overwhelmed. Maybe I'm maturing.

I got my haircut yesterday. More than a foot cut off. It looks really good; I'm quite pleased. And I noticed today that I seemed to be walking around with more of a natural confidence, the kind that I used to have. But then I look around. A bunch of my friends have gotten together, and I feel like I haven't had that kind of attention since last year, with my last boyfriend, and even still... He wasn't that fantastic. I feel horrible about myself. I feel like the only way I'm going to get that kind of attention is if I was skinny. If I looked around at all of the relationships in my school, more than 75% of them are with skinny girls. That makes me feel like crap. And then, of course, I came home and watched Glee, and it happened to be the episode where Mercedes realizes that she doesn't have to be skinny to get attention. But what did that do? It just made me feel stupid for caring about it in the first place. But I do. I can't deny the fact that I care about what other people think about me. Sure, I don't sweat the small stuff. I shrug it off and let it go. But the bigger stuff? Everything else? That scares the crap out of me, and it hurts me.

I think I have this fantasy in my head of what I look like on the inside, which is why I cringe when I walk near a mirror or a reflective surface. Remember that song? The one from Mulan? "Why can't my reflection show who I am inside?" Why can't it? Or at least, why can people only see what's on the outside. I feel like if I was skinny, people would like me more, and then I flip out and get upset, and that only brings me to eat more (because I don't know about you, but I definitely eat when I'm upset...)

Sometimes I feel like I think differently than the rest of the world; that everyone else only sees what isn't important; talent, looks and clothes. I shop at Target. I can't afford Hollister clothes. I can't afford American Eagle or Abrecrombie and Fitch or Areo. I'm not that girl. I'm not the kind of girl who can eat as much as she wants and still be the size of a twig. I wish I was. I just... I needed to rant. And so I did. But honestly, I've lost what makes me who I am, and I don't want to be the kind of person who grovels at people for scraps of attention, which is what I've become.

Just forget it all.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Disney Movie Marathon - Aladdin

I'm watching a bunch, bunch, bunch of Disney movies. Lots. I'm just going to write down what I think of and my favorite quotes as I go.

First up? Aladdin.

Iago is definitely my favorite character in Aladdin. And seriously, how convenient is it that the "Diamond in the Ruff" happens to be in Agribah? Like, seriously? What if he was in Australia? Jafar looks weird. Not to mention, I love that the rich prince's horse has the exact same facial expressions as the prince. It cracks me up. This whole thing takes place in three days? No way. That's craaaaaaaaaazy. Aladdin and Jasmine fell in love in three days? Isn't that a little soon... It makes me laugh that the Sultan has this like, working model of Agribah. And why does the Sultan have a white beard, but black eyebrows? It makes no sense! Poor Iago, he serves as the comic relief of this whole movie. Ooh! Here's my favorite part of the movie! When Iago gets stuck in the door? Huh, Jasmine thinks that Aladdin is dead... I'm not surprised. That usually happens. SHE DIDN'T KNOW HIS NAME?! She just goes home with this guy, and almost kisses him? She doesn't know his name? What the hell. Dude, I want a pet monkey who'll get me out of jail. This guy is so scary. The old guy with the creepy teeth? So scary. Why would you ever trust this guy. Sure, I get that you love Jasmine, but... still... Those are some mad sketchy stairs going into the Cave of Wonder... Why does touching a jewel make the cave explode into like lava, but when Abu steps on the Carpet, nothing happens? Hah, I love how the carpet has mini Cave of Wonders in the four corners. What is Jafar doing while this whole scene with the mushroom mountain with the lamp on top if it is happening? Poor monkey. He got hypnotized by a giant monkey holding a jewel and killed everything. This is pretty trippy for Disney. The whole thing with the carpet going through the cave with the lava? It's like... CGI-ish. Wow. There is so much animal violence in this movie. The people in the beginning throw sheep around, Jafar just chucked a monkey down the hole, Iago gets smashed through wheels and into a wall... Like, really Disney? Do you hate animals that much? Hahaha, I love the Genie. He's like a stand-up comic with cosmic powers. This is the best song in the whole movie. Look! An elephant seat! I want one. Pretty. And I like the nice random palm tree oasis in the middle of the desert. Look! Genie is a sheep! Throw him! Second best song. The one where Ali is coming into Agribah? Iago gets run into another wall... A Whole New World. Such a beautiful song. There are like allusions to nearly every other Disney movie ever made in this movie. More animal violence? An elephant hanging from a tree? How come Genie can breathe underwater? And why can't he help Aladdin get out of the water? YES! It's the part with Iago pretending to be the flamingo. One of my favorites. And when Iago imitates being Jafar etc? It's so funny. Oh, Jafar. Always freeking messing up the Happily Ever After. I just realized... Iago has teeth. Parrots don't have teeth, do they? Hey, there's a reprise! Evil one... Why doesn't Jasmine have her own song? I don't think it snows in Agribah. Where are they? Now the elephant seat is a snake. Who would want to turn into a snake? He's soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo creepy. Really? They fell in love in like... a day. I wonder if the Genie can have kids... That would be cool. Geniettes. Genie has a Goofy hat. Whole New World Reprise! THE END.

"I'm so ticked off that I'm molting!" - Iago
"You're only in trouble if you get caught. ...I'm in trouble." - Aladdin
"He's got a sword! You idiots, we've all got swords!" - Soldiers
"You'll die a street rat, and only your fleas will morn you."- Rich Prince (Ahkmed)
"And then, I stuff the crackers down his throat!" - Iago
"You've heard of the golden rule, haven't you? Whoever has the gold makes the rules." - Jafar
"But... you're so old!" - Sultan
"I can't believe it! I'm losing to a rug!" - Genie