Did I Mention That Country Music Makes Me Suicidal?

Well, it does. Intensely. I hate country music. No clue why, I just can't stand it. At all. Hurray. I'm quite bored today, and I've accomplished nothing in the two hours that I've been up. I need to get working, actually, so I'll make this brief and hopefully write something with some substance later.

I've decided I want to talk about books today. Not just books, but I want to make a book list that I can stick to. Maybe I'll start a book club over Skype or something. It would be intensely fun, and then we could talk about books and things while life was being cool. Kinda. So! My book list. It's going to take me forever to finish all of these.

Siobhan's Future Reading List:

False Memory - Dean Koontz (Currently reading)

The House of Thunder - Dean Koontz

The Darkest Evening of the Year - Dean Koontz

Dragon Tears - Dean Koontz

The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

A Journey To The Center of the Earth - Jules Verne

Kingdom of the Golden Dragon - Isabelle Allende

City of Beasts - Isabelle Allende

Kabul Beauty School - Deborah Rodriguez

Eon: Dragoneye Reborn - Alison Goodman

Wicked - Gregory Maguire

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

The Third Angel - Alice Hoffman

Green Angel - Alice Hoffman

A Ring of Endless Light - Madeleine L'Engle

Triskellion - Will Peterson

Montmorency - Eleanor Updale

The Story of Forgetting - Stefan Merrill Block

Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - J.R.R. Tolkien

Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers - J.R.R. Tolkien

Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King - J.R.R. Tolkien

Pendragon Book 3: The Never War - D.J. MacHale

Pendragon Book 4: The Reality Bug - D.J. MacHale

Pendragon Book 5: Black Water - D.J. MacHale

Pendragon Book 6: The Rivers of Zadaa - D.J. MacHale

Pendragon Book 7: The Quillan Games - D.J. MacHale

Pendragon Book 8: The Pilgrims of Rayne - D.J. MacHale

Pendragon Book 9: Raven Rise - D.J. MacHale

Pendragon Book 10: The Soldiers of Halla - D.J. MacHale

And these are just the books that are I haven't read in my bookcase. There's about a billion more that I want to read. Steven King books, those are all downstairs, and a bunch of other things. I have to get to work on my report, though.

This is what a bookworm looks like in it's natural habitat.

-Siobhan

But At Least I've Come To Terms With My Own Mortality

So, I was researching chronic fatigue today. Why? Just on a whim. I tend to get really tired, run-down, and I get sick a lot. I know most of this can be due to stress, but I think that it was worth looking into. So, I went to WebMD (I did not write this stuff. They did. Don't eat me for sharing it!)

If you'd like to view the slideshow, click here.

Fatigue Cause No. 1: Not Enough Sleep

It may seem obvious but you could be getting too little sleep. That can negatively affect your concentration and health. Adults should get seven to eight hours every night.

Fix: Make sleep a priority and keep a regular schedule. Ban laptops, cell phones, and PDAs from your bedroom. Still having trouble? Seek help from a doctor. You may have a sleep disorder.

My Opinion:

This is possible. I generally sleep from 10PM until a little after 6AM which is about eight hours, but when I go to sleep after ten, it's less.

Fatigue Cause No. 2: Sleep Apnea

Some people think they're sleeping enough, but sleep apnea gets in the way. It briefly stops your breathing throughout the night. Each interruption wakes you for a moment, but you may not be aware of it. The result: you're sleep-deprived despite spending eight hours in bed.

Fix: Lose weight if you're overweight, quit smoking, and sleep with a CPAP device to help keep airway passages open at night.

My Opinion:

Again, possible. There is a history of sleep apnea within my family. I am kinda overweight, so... maybe that would help. I definitely don't want to sleep with a CPAP, and as I read further into this one, it seems that it's more likely with people with asthma, and can cause snoring, both of which I have.

Fatigue Cause No. 3: Not Enough Fuel

Eating too little causes fatigue, but eating wrong foods can also be a problem. Eating a balanced diet helps keep your blood sugar in a normal range and prevents that sluggish feeling when your blood sugar drops.

Fix: Always eat breakfast and try to include protein and complex carbs in every meal. For example, eat eggs with whole-grain toast. Also eat meals and snacks throughout the day for sustained energy.

My Opinion:

I tend to snack a lot. It's a really bad habit, actually. I do eat breakfast, but it's usually not fantastically amazingly healthy.

Fatigue Cause No. 4: Anemia

Anemia is a leading cause of fatigue in women. Menstrual blood loss can cause an iron deficiency, putting women at risk. Red blood cells are needed because they carry oxygen to your tissues and organs.

Fix: For anemia caused by an iron deficiency, taking iron supplements and eating iron-rich foods, such as lean meat, liver, shellfish, beans, and enriched cereal, can help.

My Opinion:

This is highly possible. My mom tends to be anemic, and I try to remember to take a multi-vitamin every morning, but it can be difficult to remember. (Also, I have to wait until after I eat something. Taking a vitamin on an empty stomach makes me sick.)

Fatigue Cause No. 5: Depression

You may think of depression as an emotional disorder, but it contributes to many physical symptoms as well. Fatigue, headaches, and loss of appetite are among the most common symptoms. If you feel tired and "down" for more than a couple of weeks, see your doctor.

Fix: Depression responds well to psychotherapy and/or medication.

My Opinion:

I don't think I'm stressed. The end.

Fatigue Cause No. 6: Hypothyroidism

The thyroid is a small gland at the base of your neck. It controls your metabolism, the speed at which your body converts fuel into energy. When the gland is underactive and the metabolism functions too slowly, you may feel sluggish and put on weight.

Fix: If a blood test confirms your thyroid hormones are low, synthetic hormones can bring you up at speed.

My Opinion:

I don't think I have hypothyroidism, but I do think that I have a very low metabolism. I should work on that.

Fatigue Cause No. 7: Caffeine Overload

Caffeine can improve alertness and concentration in moderate doses. But too much can increase heart rate, blood pressure, and jitteriness. And research indicates too much actually causes fatigue in some people.

Fix: Gradually cut back on coffee, tea, chocolate, soft drinks, and any medications that contain caffeine. Stopping suddenly can cause caffeine withdrawal and more fatigue.

My Opinion:

I don't drink coffee, and I really don't drink soda or take any medications with caffeine in them. Sometimes I'll have tea in the morning, just because I get sick of drinking too much milk, and tea is creamy. I don't over-load though. I'm pretty good about keeping caffeine intake under control.

Fatigue Cause No. 8: Hidden UTI

If you've ever had a urinary tract infection, you're probably familiar with the burning pain and sense of urgency. But the infection doesn't always announce itself with such obvious symptoms. In some cases, fatigue may be the only sign. A urine test can confirm a UTI.

Fix: Antibiotics are the cue for UTIs and the fatigue will vanish within a week.

My Opinion:

I don't have a UTI.

Fatigue Cause No. 9: Diabetes

In people with diabetes, abnormally high levels of sugar remain in the bloodstream instead of entering the body's cells, where it would be converted into energy. The result is a body that runs out of steam despite having enough to eat. If you have persistent, unexplained fatigue, ask your doctor about being tested for diabetes.

Fix: Treatments for diabetes may include lifestyle changes such as diet and exercise, insulin therapy and medications to help the body process sugar.

My Opinion:

I've been tested for diabetes a few times. I don't have it.

Fatigue Cause No. 10: Dehydration

Your fatigue can be a sign of dehydration. Whether you're working out or working a desk job, your body needs water to work well and keep cool. If you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated.

Fix: Drink water throughout the day so your urine is light colored. Have at least two cups of water an hour or more before a planned physical activity. Then, sip throughout your workout and afterwards drink another two cups.

My Opinion:

Possible. I do drink a lot though.

Fatigue Cause No. 11: Heart Disease

When fatigue strikes during everyday activities, such as cleaning the house or weeding the yard, it can be a sign that your heart is no longer up to the job. If you notice that it's becoming increasingly difficult to finish tasks that were once easy, talk to your doctor about heart disease.

Fix: Lifestyle changes, medication, and therapeutic procedures can get heart disease under control and restore your energy.

My Opinion:

I don't think so...

Fatigue Cause No. 12: Shift Work Sleep Disorder

Working nights or rotating shifts can disrupt your internal clock. You may feel tired when you need to be awake, and have trouble sleeping during the day.

Fix: Limit your exposure to daylight when you need to rest. Make your room dark, quiet and cool. Still having sleep issues? Talk with your doctor. Supplements and medications may help.

My Opinion:

I don't work a night shift... Or any shift.

Fatigue Cause No. 13: Food Allergies

Some doctors believe that hidden food allergies can make you sleepy. If your fatigue intensifies after meals, you could have a mild intolerance to something you're eating -- not enough to cause itching or hives, just enough to make you tired.

Fix: Try eliminating foods one at a time to see if your fatigue improves. You can also ask your doctor about a food allergy test.

My Opinion:

This is kinda what happens if I eat too much dairy. I get run-down and a stomach ache (Like right now...)

Fatigue Cause No. 14: CFS and Fibromyalgia

If your fatigue lasts more than six months and is so severe that you can't manage your daily activities, chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia are a possibility. Both can have various symptoms, but persistent, unexplained exhaustion is a main one.

Fix: While there is no quick fix for CFS or fibromyalgia, patients often benefit from changing their daily schedule, learning better sleeping habits, and starting a gentile exercise program

My Opinion:

I don't have this.

I'm kind of glad that I looked this stuff up. It's good to know what causes what, and like I said yesterday, (I think it was yesterday...) I have a random interest in psycology, even though I'll never use it. Still cool stuff to know. We had a snow day today, so I had a lot of time on my hands. Don't think I'm weird. Oh, and my first English journal is like six pages long. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. I'm frustrated with them.

The whiter the bread, the sooner you're dead.

-Siobhan

Fragile (noun) - Easily broken, shattered or damaged; delicate, brittle, frail

And so it was.

I'm kind of bored at the moment. Not bored, per se... I'm in a procrastinatory mood? I have to work on English and the temptation to write a blog post was too overwhelming for me to ignore. Ah, the horribleness.

Today was a fairly good day, all in all. Some people made it a worse day than it could have been, and the excruciating headache that I've had all day didn't really help. Not to mention one of my best friends wasn't in school today. *Sigh* Woe is me.

Homework is smelly, so I've decided. "Here, Siobhan! Write one journal entry every two chapters about your novel, False Memory, even though there are seventy six chapters!" Thirty-eight journals? Is that really necessary? I don't think so. I have to say; I really love reading. It's my favorite thing to do, well... one of them, but engulfing myself to in the text to find underlying messages and themes? That's just... not cool. If I were an author, I would probably kill myself when students had to delve deeper into my text. I'm on chapter twenty-nine of my book, and I'm halfway through writing the first of my thirty-eight journals. This is going to be fun. At least tomorrow's Friday.

That's something cool that I learned today in Health. Being positive. I have to say that I love that class as of right now. I think that it has more to do with the fact that I enjoy all of that psychology stuff. It's so cool. I really, really love it. Maybe I'll take Intro to Psyc. next year too... It seems like an interesting class. But, what would I do with it? Like, I wouldn't want to be a psychiatrist or anything, though the subject is interesting. Maybe a few classes in college wouldn't hurt.

Five Things That Don't Reduce Stress:

1. Caffeine is a stimulant found in coffee, sodas and tea. A little can help you wake up and become more alert. Too much can cause nervousness and anxiety. Everyone has a different tolerance level for caffeine. If you think you might be drinking too much, try replacing some of your caffeine intake with decaffeinated coffee or tea, or caffeine-free sodas.
2. Drinking alcohol can seriously disrupt sleeping patterns, making it hard to get a good night's sleep. Painful hangovers are another stressful side effect of drinking. To top it off, alcohol affects good judgment, which can lead to a host of stressful problems.
3. Nicotine's poisonous ingredients raise the heart rate and stress out the body. Although tobacco users feel relaxed at first, they soon feel nervous again, leading to the desire for another cigarette or dip of chew. Nicotine keeps the body on a stress roller coaster at all times.
4. Sugary foods raise energy levels for a short time. The trouble is that your body deals with high levels of sugar by releasing insulin, which reduces the amount of sugar in your blood. Insulin can lower your sugar level, even after your blood sugar has normalized. This is called a sugar crash. It's a cycle that is stressful to the mind and the body. Eating healthy foods and keeping sugary snacks to a minimum will keep your body running smoothly and feeling great.
5. Being lazy is a stress factor that can sneak up on us. Napping, watching TV and playing video games are okay sometimes, but doing them too often can cause frustration and boredom, two things that can lead to major stress. Get out and enjoy the world, it's worth the effort!

Ten Things That Do Reduce Stress:

1. Eat healthy meals with fruits, vegetables, and grains. These raw materials provide your body with energy that keeps you feeling happier and healthier, even during times of stress.
2. Try to get the same amount of sleep every night, at least eight hours. Even though you may not realize it, feeling tired actually causes stress.
3. Exercise on a regular basis. No single activity can lower your stress levels more than exercise. In addition to a host of health benefits, exercise releases chemicals into your bloodstream that fight stress, depression, and anxiety.
4. Make a list of the things stressing you out. Change the ones you can. Accept the ones you can't change.
5. Don't commit to things you can't, or don't want to do. Remember to think about yourself and save some time just for you, even if you only spend it relaxing.
6. Have at least one friend you can talk to about your problems. Having a close friend requires effort, trust and sacrifice, but the benefits are well worth it. When choosing your friends, remember that no one is perfect.
7. Have fun. It may sound simple, but having fun often requires planning and effort. Find a hobby, sport or healthy activity that you love, and do it as often as you can.
8. Learn to express your feelings. Your feelings are important and you have a right to share them with others. If someone makes you angry or hurts you, don't keep it inside. Unexpressed feelings can quickly grow into huge stress factors. Respectfully telling someone how you feel has two benefits: it releases the bad feelings and it often prevents the hurtful problem form happening again.
9. Learn to read your stress cues. Pay attention to clues from your thoughts ("I wish I'd never gotten out of bed!") and your body (headache). The more you learn to listen, the sooner you can spot stress and work toward reducing it.
10. Find a stress buster that works for you. Listening to music, having time set aside for yourself, and any of these things will help.

Maybe I'll Google some more things and post them. We did that, and passed around balloons that represented different types of stress. Mine was "Fragile Fred" I kept the balloon until sixth period, then I let him free out the window. Wouldn't it be creepy if he ended up in my driveway or something? Like... because I live so close to my high school, it's eerily possible. I don't really like the idea of that happening. Maybe I'll write a short story (microfiction) about what would happen if it did, and post it here. It's possible. I don't really have a lot to say, but even just writing those down has helped me absorb some of the messages that they were implying to help me focus more. I think I'll go work on my English Journals a bit.

Confess to your stress.

-Siobhan

On The Road To Veridian City

Woo-hoo.

I procrastinated today. Darn-it. I'm such a bad person... Rats.

I have nothing else to say. I'm hoping for a snow-day of epic proportions.

You are now thinking about shiitake mushrooms. And there is nothing you can do about it.

Haha.

-Siobhan

The Insider and The Pentacoth

We join the Insider and the Pentacoth on a Tuesday afternoon. They are having tea and enjoying each other's company and conversation.

Pentacoth: Hello there, Mr. Insider. Would you mind to pass the tea?

Insider: Just for you, Mr. Pentacoth. We have enough for three.

Pentacoth: For three? But Mr. Insider, there are but only two!

Insider: Oh-ho, Mr. Pentacoth. Extra will have to do.

Pentacoth: I see then, Mr. Insider. Sugar, honey, cream?

Insider: No thank you, Mr. Pentacoth, cream makes my insides scream.

Pentacoth: Oh does it, Mr. Insider? That's very sad to say.

Insider: Indeed, Mr. Pentacoth. Pass the cookies, if you may.

Pentacoth: What kind of cookies would you like, Mr. Insider, if you please?

Insider: Well, Mr. Pentacoth, not the kind with cheese.

Pentacoth: Be it blueberry, Mr. Insider, is that what you desire?

Insider: No thank you, Mr. Pentacoth. Blue sets my heart a fire.

Pentacoth: Chocolate then, Mr. Insider, could that be what you want?

Insider: Again no, Mr. Pentacoth, are you trying to taunt?

Pentacoth: Of course not Mr. Insider! How dare you that suggest!

Insider: Oh come now, Mr. Pentacoth, let me first digest.

Pentacoth: Your tone, Mr. Insider, very strict dare I say.

Insider: Indeed, Mr. Pentacoth, more tea, if you may.

Pentacoth: Of course, Mr. Insider, I'll pass it right along.

Insider: Why thank you, Mr. Pentacoth, just please don't take too long.

Pentacoth: Never, Mr. Insider. Must you go home soon?

Insider: Of course not, Mr. Pentacoth, 'tis Tuesday afternoon.

Attack of a Procrastinatory Race

INCOMING TRANSMISSION: Do you accept?

Hello. STOP. You're planet is being attacked by a procrastinatory race. STOP. Do you help the planet? STOP.

The planet is fairly small

Difficult to control sometimes.

It thinks by itself

It's an amazing contraption,

But one that can be difficult.

You see them from far ahead.

You zoom toward them.

They have red ships

They look like clouds

You know what is inside.

Clowns dancing,

Music playing,

Television blaring,

Alarm clocks screaming,

Siblings annoying.

You know your mission.

You have to stop them.

The procrastinatory race.

They're almost to the planet.

They're almost to your planet.

You arm your shields,

Preparing to shoot the invaders,

Preparing to defend your home land,

Preparing to die for your planet,

You go forward.

There are more of them,

More than you expected.

You're outnumbered.

At least twenty to one.

Still you press forward.

Your hand shakes on the control,

The red button.

The button will destroy your ship,

You in the process,

But it will destroy the procrastinatory race.

You edge closer to the red ships,

Preparing to press the red button.

Your hand shakes violently.

You don't want to give up your life,

But you will do what you have to.

You're in the middle of the twenty ships.

They begin to fire at you.

Clowns, dancers, video games, action figures.

Dolls, movies, television, musical instruments.

You press the red button.

Your ship explodes.

Puffy cotton shrapnel flying.

The explosion engulfs all twenty one ships.

Eliminating them.

Eliminating you.

The planet is over-joyed

The loss of the life,

Though sad

Was necessary.

Your home land is safe.

INCOMING TRANSMISSION: Do you accept?

Your brain has over-come a wave of procrastination. STOP. Only one thought was lost. STOP.

Blame It On The Rain

My paper is done! Well, it has been... I actually finished it on Sunday... Heh, about that update... I did get to write the second part of my epic poem. It's going pretty well. Asakurii the Destroyer. Hu-ya-ha! Whatever. I like it so far, so I'm quite pleased with the outcome of the tale as it goes so far.

Noms.

Aright, what else? We don't have school today. It's such a fail of a snow day. Well, at least it was this morning. It's snowing now. I guess that's kinda cool. Thank you snow, I appreciate you. It's actually been a really Snow Day Filled Winter. Yeah. Capital letters for the win. What now.

Animal Crossing is fun. I ordered the DS version of the game because I got tired of trying to play it just on the Wii. Get's lonesome, ya know? So that's the deal with that. I think I'm going to write a couple poems today. I'm happy I have a relaxing snow day. I'd usually be in Algebra class right now, so I'm relishing the fact that I'm not. Lucky for me, I already did all of my homework. I just need to study for some tests now. Meh. Doesn't sound too fun, but I'll prevail. I usually do.

The snow is so beautiful. Do you ever find yourself getting lost in the view of snow? How it sets on the branches of the trees and when you look into the woods, its' the perfect combination of brown and white? I think that's my favorite part. Maybe I should write a poem about the Connecticut snow. It's pretty. Right now the snow flakes look more like enormous cotton balls than actual flakes, but, whatever works, right?

On my old blog I used to do movie and book reviews. I kind of miss that. Maybe I'll update you on what I'm reading and watching from time to time. Now's a good time. I'm reading "False Memory" by Dean Koontz. It's really good. I've never read a book of his before, though, according to Wiki, he's written over fifty books, several children's books, poems, and other things. I think that's what I like about him; he's really well rounded. I love False Memory so far. It's amazing. I love his writing style, and the way the book scares you, but keeps you glued to every page at the same time. Pretty cool, if you ask me.

I think that's it. I'll write some poems and post them later. Ya know how it goes. Maybe some Animal Crossing first? Hah, I doubt it. I really want to go read now. Oooh, I'm excited!

And I still can't believe it's not butter.

-Siobhan

Asakurii The Destroyer

Part 2: Asakurii's New Aquaintance

You're still here?

Here to learn?

Learn to fear?

Fear the most fearsome,

The scariest,

The destroyer,

Asakurii?

I guess you'll learn.

Learn to fear.

After Ajurajukanesu's tragic death,

Asakurii embraced his new name.

His new destiny.

His new life.

He was unafraid of the coming years,

As physically trying as they were,

He was a Destroyer.

He was The Destroyer.

He was Asa The Destroyer.

He spent the next ten years,

Locked up in a jail.

Tired, hungry and physically able

To break out at any time,

He waited.

Plotting,

Scheming,

Waiting.

Waiting for the right time.

Luck was in his favor,

That fateful day at Noturious Prison.

The day he waited no more.

The day he escaped.

A deadly rainstorm,

Fatal lightning,

Thunder cracks the size of the Great Wall,

Asakurii waited.

But he waited no more.

He ripped the chains,

Off the wall of his cell,

Smashing into the steel door.

Frightened guards had no idea,

No clue of Asakurii's strength.

Neither did he.

He killed many of them,

Grabbing his sword on the way out.

Freeing himself of the shackles of China.

He hid in seclusion for another five years,

Painfully secluded within a crevice in the Mountains.

Farmers passed by occasionally.

Herding livestock

Asakurii killed them.

Gaining up his strength.

Getting ready to emerge.

Emerge and take power.

Take power from those who shunned him.

One of these farmers.

Vetashi.

A strong man,

Once a soldier for the dynasty,

Now a lowly farmer,

Trying to earn a living.

He passed by Asakurii's cave

With his livestock.

Asakurii attacked him,

Vetashi equally matched him.

"It seems we are at a draw, friend."

Vetashi's voice rang.

"Why do you attack, when it is so easy,

So easy to make acquaintance. To become aquatinted?"

He stood up,

Holding his hand down to the dirty Asakurii.

Asakurii accepted.

An act of faith

Rewarded.

"Thank you, friend."

Asakurri responded.

"What is your name?"

Asked Vetashi.

"Asakurii."

He answered.

Vetashi did not notice,

Notice the meaning,

Of Asakurii's name.

Vetashi and Asakurii spent another two years plotting,

Recruiting,

Soldiers of the dynasty,

Fed up with the way it was ruled.

Tired of a totalitarian society,

Ready for action,

Ready for battle,

Ready for a new leader,

Ready for Asakurii.

Procrastination Attacks Planet Brain

Yes, I admit I've been procrastinating. A lot. A lot, lot, lot, lot... you get he idea. I haven't written a sufficient blog post in quite a while. Why? Not quite sure. It may have something to do with my mood. Currently I'm a bit mellow, getting over the fact that I had a bad morning between younger brothers, un-understanding parents, and having a fever. Tylenol doesn't help even the slightest of aches, but it's all I'm not allergic to. So I've been lazing around watching a combination of mindless cartoons, commercials for products I don't care about, and the Olympics. And of course the occasional four hour splurge on Animal Crossing. Addicted you say? I say nay. I need to join Animal Crossers Anonymous.

"Hello, My name is Siobhan, and I'm addicted to Animal Crossing."

"Hi, Siobhan."

Yeah, and so my life goes.

I don't know why I've been acting so down lately. Maybe I'm just feeling overwhelmed with everything I've got going on. I feel like I have no time to do the things that I think are important, and things that I want to do. Like poetry. You see, I post one every few days. That doesn't make me happy. I really want to be able to do a 1000 word free-write every day, write in my journal every day, write a poem every day, take an outside picture, and a picture of me every day, and write on here every day, as well as do some additional writing on one of the stories I'm writing or Asakurii The Destroyer. It would really be lovely. But, I can't. I have to do homework, clean my room, do laundry, wrap a present for my cousin's baby shower, end up sick with a fever so I can't even go to this baby shower, deal with all of the drama going on at school, try to stay healthy so the director of the school play doesn't snipe me for being absent, and pass my Chemistry test tomorrow. That's a lot to deal with. Did I mention that French is my least favorite subject? I didn't? It is.

Mom and I did figure out our schedule for next year. Hopefully I'll be able to take all of the classes I want: American Studies (Combination History/English class) ; Acting ; Speech Arts ; Madrigals ; H.A.M. (Honors Advanced Math, combination of Trig and Pre-Calc) ; Some science class without a lab ; BCT ; And a Criminal Justice class. Nothing big, I think it's a pretty packed schedule. And, to be honest, I'm pretty sure that I can handle it. I feel like I'm really starting to get a work ethic, and I want to live it to the fullest, even if procrastination still has a happy place in my brain. I'm not happy with it though...

Yesterday was Science Horizons. It was... boring? Is that a strong enough word choice? I got to sit around, listening and talking to other science nerds blather on about their radioactively decaying facebook pages and how they plan to stop global warming by injecting estrogen into cilantro leaves. Boring is a good word after all. I didn't make it into finals, happily. My project was crap.

"I tested the effects of phosphate infused water on Poa pratensis. See, I went around to local lakes, and tested the amount of phosphate in the water, finding it to be the highest level. See, when you plant your garden with a fertilizer, the water that runs off into these lakes is called eutrophicated water, and holds too much phosphate, which is beneficial for the plants underwater. I decided to test this theory on the plants that we use every day, Poa pratensis, or Kentucky Blue grass for example. I had twenty five plants, and each were watered with a different concentration of phosphate infused water, the lowest of which having none of this water, and acting as my control group. I watered them every day for four weeks, taking measurements every week. I hypothesized in the beginning that the plants grown with 100% phosphate infused water would grow the fastest and the fullest, but at the end of my experiment, I found that I was completely wrong, and, in fact, the control group did the best. Why did this happen? Well, I think that because there was so much phosphate, it actually stunted the grown of the plants, because the plants in the middle groups did about the same. Why did I choose this project? Well, usually I tend to lean toward projects that have to do with crime scene investigation and fire and things like that, so I wanted to step outside my comfort zone and try and do a project that I didn't know much about going in."

I must have said that like nine times yesterday. It was irritating. Thank God I didn't make it into finals, I probably would have killed myself with one of my friends turbine blades.

I'm procrastinating on my homework... Gah. I don't want to write a paper on my project. Can't this whole Science Horizons thing be over and done with? Apparently not. Sad face. Maybe I'll reward myself with some Animal Crossing after I finish my Algebra and Chemistry homework. If there's any time left... Gah. Well, I should get started. I don't want to disappoint on my Chem test tomorrow. Ugh. Just thinking about it makes every cell in my body sad. I don't like that class. No, it's not the class. I have no problem with Chemistry as a class. I have a problem with my teacher. Whatever...

You are receiving a distress call from Planet Brain. This planet is being attacked by a procrastinatory race. Will you help the planet?

-Siobhan

P.S. That gives me an idea for a poem. Maybe I'll write that as my reward. Wish me luck.

Asakurii The Destroyer

Part 1: Ajurajukanesu

You have come,

To learn,

To understand,

What it means to be,

A warrior.

A destroyer.

A master of blade, fire, water and earth.

Who breathes the very flame within your heart.

You have come to the right place.

Our story begins in a temple.

A dojo, you could say.

The young hero you have come to study,

Resided here from the time he was three.

Abandoned by his parents,

To be raised by Chinese Monks,

His goals were soaring eagles,

His heart was pure and gold.

But his story has yet to be told.

Asa was strong,

He was not afraid to know it.

He had mastered the art of the sword,

By the time he was fourteen

Secretly,

Under the guidance

Of a rebel Chinese Monk.

Ajurajukanesu.

"The man with three names".

Night after night,

Practice after practice,

Wound after wound,

Asa learned to master the sword.

His moves became flawless,

Sleek, unpredictable and wild.

Like his heart,

Like his mind,

Like his sword.

Ajurajukanesu was patient,

But for very little time.

As he grew older,

His patience depleted

Until there was close to none.

Asa tried,

To keep up with Ajurajukanesu's dangerous requests,

But fatigued and careless, he injured Ajurajukanesu.

A fatal wound,

An accident of fate,

Asa lie down with Ajurajukanesu.

"My son" he said "What have you done?"

Asa did not answer,

He was afraid of what he would say.

Emotions on high,

Adreneline pumping through his blood,

He stared at Ajurajukanesu.

"Asakurii." Ajurajukanesu said.

"Asa the Destroyer.

Once a master of the blade,

Guided by innocence and love,

Now blinded by passion and impatience.

You are a Destroyer.

Worst of our race.

Leave now, allow me to die.

Seal your fate."

Asakurii watched fearfully.

Ajurajukanesu's eyes drooped steadily.

His heart began to slow

And he let out a final breath,

Sweet and smooth.

Asakurii did not breathe until he knew.

He watched as Ajurajukanesu's soul traveled

Out his eyes, and into his sword,

Which glowed a fantastic red.

Asakurii watched.

The blade excited him

He could feel the possibilities.

He touched the blade,

Watching as the red color

Traveled up his arm and into his eyes.

He looked in the mirror,

Watching as the red engulfed his once brown eyes.

They glowed eerily, demonically, horribly.

He smiled a most evil smile,

Gripping the edge of his blade

With all of his strength.

The forced the tip of the blade into the mirror

Shattering his reflection

And his memories of happiness.

The red color still traveled through his blood,

Changing him.

He became Asakurii The Destroyer.

It Is What It Is...

Three-hundred seconds. That's all it takes for your life to change. Three-hundred seconds. So much can happen in that five minutes of your life. You can get a bad grade on a test. You can open a mailbox to find that you've gotten into the college of your dreams. You can watch as a loved-ones life ends right before your eyes. You can fall and hurt yourself. You can win the lottery. You never know what's going to happen in those three-hundred seconds of your life.

But I had an okay week. Sure, I didn't do as well as expected to on a test in my history class. I got a 97, mixing up Capitalism and Socialism for one question. A single question. That probably was answered well within those three-hundred seconds. That's all it took to take away those three points. I'm angry about that test. It is what it is.

English was okay this week too. Sure, an 86 on an essay is fantastic for some people. But me? No. I'm very angry with my grade. Furious, even. I guess you could say that. But apparently my ideas weren't developed, even though I went through seven drafts to get that essay fully developed, and I really thought I had done well. Angry? Yes. I feel like I deserved more than an 86 on that essay, but that's what pisses me off about grading, really. It's all opinion. If a teacher doesn't like your topic, or agree with the points you make in an essay, they have the power to chill there and say; "86!" and you just have to deal with it, accept it, and use that to say; "Aright, fine then." in your next essay. It is what it is.

Science fair is tomorrow. I finished up the preparations for my display board and other things today. It looks okay considering I did it last minute. I don't really take it seriously, and I don't want to get into finals. It sucks up your life. I don't want it sucking up mine. That would suck. I'm hoping for a solid grade from my teacher, but I'm not wanting a solid grade from science horizons. I don't really care what they have to say. It is what it is.

I'm kind of in a lazy mood. I just want to go to sleep I guess.

It is what it is.

-Siobhan

Liquid Velvet Steals A Life

Night creeps upon me,

Like liquid velvet,

Lulling my sub-conscience,

Lulling me deeper into sleep.

Darkness employs me blindly,

My brain a lively riot,

A state of uncanny brilliance,

Pulling me so deep.

Uncertain I am,

Where are they right now?

As my heart begins to slam,

To find them I fully vow.

Save me from my misery,

Liveliness so steadily,

Creeping on my insides,

Showing on my outsides.

Writhing as my heart stops,

A steady beat that ceases,

Sent into anaphylactic shock,

My eyes rolling back.

Blood spreads on the black top

Of my sub-conscience, bleeding

Into the deep airlock

Of oxygen departing, I'm under attack.

Uncertain I am,

Where are they right now?

As my heart begins to slam,

To find my way back I fully vow.

Save me from my misery,

Liveliness so steadily,

Creeping on my insides,

Showing on my outsides.

Losing feeling from my fingers,

Blood creeping away from my toes.

Rushing to my heart.

Trying to save it.

Too much too fast, a thousand blisters.

The faint beating of my heart echoes.

Pulling each artery and vein apart,

Sending each cell into a fit.

Uncertain I am,

Where are they right now?

As my heart begins to slam,

To find the light I fully vow.

Save me from my misery,

Liveliness so steadily,

Creeping on my insides,

Showing on my outsides.

Too far gone,

Something is wrong.

They've made a mistake,

One they can't remake,

Taken my life away,

A procedure gone astray.

A life that used to be strong,

Taken by a surgery gone wrong.

*The idea was that this was from the point of view of a patient who's surgery went wrong. This is what she went through as she died.

A Rescue Attempt Would Be Illogical

And I'm just not feeling up to it. I'm tired, that's fair to say. Very tired. I've been watching a lot of the Olympics today. Go for the gold, USA. I did a lot on my science experiment, and am happily finished with all of my homework. So why do I feel like I'm forgetting something?

That overwhelming feeling that you have a million things to do, when in truth, I don't have anything that absolutely needs to be done. So, freaking out and stressed? Yes. But for what reason? I have absolutely no idea.

Maybe it's because I don't feel too good... Hopefully we'll have a delay from school tomorrow, I definitely don't want to go back there, even if I did do all of my work.

Night is creeping like liquid velvet upon my sub-conscience, lulling me into sleep. Maybe I'll succumb and give in.

Sounds like a plan.

-Siobhan

At Least I'm Not Alone In Being Lonely

Tuesday afternoon,

I'm still thinking of you.

Remembering moments so inopportune,

I miss you, now I know it's true.

Checking the mailbox,

Empty it seems,

No valentine to warm my heart,

To sew up all the seams.

Where were you today?

I missed you as you went away.

I sent you a valentine,

Lay it on the boarder line,

Tell me that you miss me,

I wish that you would kiss me,

Valentines day,

Please just fade away.

Become a distant memory,

Take with it all you've snatched from me.

Tuesday night,

Haunted by your memory,

Makes my mind alight,

Corrected by the way I see.

Wind rustles through the clouds,

I feel a chill run through my bones,

I wrap myself in shrouds,

Avoiding people, I am alone.

Where were you today?

I missed you as you went away.

I sent you a valentine,

Lay it on the boarder line,

Tell me that you miss me,

I wish that you would kiss me,

Valentines day,

Please just fade away.

Become a distant memory,

Take with it all you've snatched from me.

Wednesday morning,

The tolling interrupts,

My sleepless doze ceasing,

Your voice, my heart erupts.

The phone shakes within my hand,

"Hello" You say, like liquid velvet,

Soft and smooth, unique and grand.

"Happy Valentines Day" your words like a poet.

Why did you call today?

I'm happy you did, I dare-say.

You sent me a valentine,

I'll lay it on the boarder line,

You told me that you miss me,

You'll be here soon to kiss me,

Valentines day,

Remain here to stay.

Remind me of my memory,

Give back all that you've snatched from me.

Valentines day,

Thanks to you he's back to stay.

Valentine's day sucks. I'm sorry, but I don't think that I've ever been moderately happy on Valentine's day. Even last year when I had a boyfriend, nothing. I don't want to get into that one though. I'm in one of those... "Gahhhhhhhhhhh" moods. And my eyebrow is itchy, though I really don't see how that's relevant.

I was eligible for a new phone with Verizon, today. Well, so much for that. I think we're going to end up with crappy phones anyway. So, I don't care.

Nothing really exciting except for the Olympics, at the moment. Glad to see the U.S. take Silver twice today, and even glad to see a Canadian gold. I do have dual-citizenship, I have to support both sides of my heritage.

Go for the gold.

-Siobhan

Color Me Impressed

Well, not impressed, exactly. I'm quite proud, though. I wrote two songs today. One of which I posted. I think they're pretty good. The other one is about Valentines day. I'll post it on valentines day... quite obviously. I'm still not impressed... I should probably write a song about how pissed off I am at Valentines Day. It's a stupid holiday. I guess it's common to feel lonely on Valentines Day, though. It's fantastic. Not really. At least I'm not alone in being lonely.

And I've decided that I don't like Harry Potter movies anymore. They're irritating. All of them. I don't care which one it is.

Harry Potter One? Harry's a noob. Like, majorly. In every way. Nooooooooooooby. What a freeking loser. But as if that's not enough, he has to decide to be all "Noobishly heroic!" Oh freeking boy. Well, he gets Ron blown up by chess pieces, and then he gets a rock from a mirror, burns the skin of a turban wearing freak, and then faints when he gets Voldy through him. What a loser.

Harry Potter Two? Jeez Harry, ya didn't know you could talk to snakes? Anything else you don't know? Yeah. How about everything. "Follow the spiders"? What a freeking genius. Yeah, let's follow the man-eating spiders to try and prove our giant friend's innocence. Good job. Or you could just find the piece of paper in Hermione's hand. There's a thought. But no, always do things the hard way and end up fighting the enormous snake with a bird and a hat. Good job, Harry.

Harry Potter Three? Wow, way to not notice that Hermione can time travel. Doesn't take a retard to figure that one out... But, apparently it does, because Ron got it. The only good part about this one is that you find out Sirius is cool man. But before that you're all wimpy and like "NO, DON'T EAT ME DEMENTORS!" Yeah. Get a life, Harry. Stop hearing screaming women within your head and man-up. Were-wolves? Please. Hermione could take them with her eyes closed, and probably did. But you? Scream, run, okay.

Harry Potter Four? YOU LIAR YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE! What a jerk! Breaking the rules. Tsk, tsk, Harry. And then you have the nerve to deny it? Yeah okay. Sure it was the freak who escaped from Azkaban. Blame it on the convict. I see how it is. And Voldy? You were just asking for him to come back. You couldn't even keep away the freeking mermaids, or figure out the egg without someone's help. Brilliancy.

Harry Potter Five? Yeah, the only good part about this movie is the fact that Fudge goes "He's back!" at the end. And that Voldy goes "Gah!" while he's invading Harry's private thoughts. Nice one, Voldy. You get him. Beat 'em! And Bellatrix is my favorite. "I killed Sirius Black!" No kidding, we only watched you do it.

Harry Potter Six? "Here, professor! This'll make it better!" Liar. Don't give the potion to Dumbledore. What did he ever do to you? And you take that liquid luck stuff and end up drunk. That's lucky. But that's not all, you're also having mixed feelings about your best friends sister, because your sixteen year-old emotions are going bezerk. Too bad Daniel Radcliffe is like forty now. Puberty was a while ago... But no, you keep going, and your stupidity kills Dumbledore. At least Snape had a cool part. "I'm the half-blood prince! Peace" No battle, no nothing. What a waste of my time.

I guess I can't rant about the seventh movie yet... I'm really not all that impressed with these movies at all. The only thing I am impressed with is the recipe for Butterbeer that my friend found online. Not too shabby.

I think that's all? I had a pretty crappy day, actually.

I open at the close.

-Siobhan

The Verge of Breaking

Well, hello.

I haven't seen you for a while, here,

Don't cha know?

Yes, everything's been fine, here,

How are you?

No I'm not the only child, here,

You are too.

And I said, "Hey there, don't you remember,

When we were so much younger?

It was only last December.

But I hoped you would remember.

Because I've been wishing,

My heart has been aching,

It's on the verge of breaking,

Because I've been wishing,

Just for you."

How's your life?

It's gotten oh, so dark, here,

You've got a wife?

I've been stranded in the park, here,

Don't you care?

But then I guess I've got a life, here,

Love's so rare.

Yes, I said "Hey there, don't you remember,

When we were so much younger?

It was only last December.

But I hoped you would remember.

Because I've been wishing,

My heart has been aching,

It's on the verge of breaking,

Because I've been wishing,

Just for you."

Sometimes I hoped that you would find

Your way back to me just in time

For me to see you as I once did

And you and I would skid

Back to where we once were,

When we once were Here.

But I said, "Hey there, don't you remember,

When we were so much younger?

It was only last December.

But I hoped you would remember.

Because I've been wishing,

My heart has been aching,

It's on the verge of breaking,

Because I've been wishing,

Just for you."

Just for you.

Just for you.

Just for you.

It's on the verge of breaking,

I'm on the verge of breaking.

A New Spin On The Old Nightmare

So, I've been having this re-occuring nightmare for about... nine? Ten years? Something like that. Not every night, just every couple of months it'll shock me. I don't even know if you can categorize it as a nightmare anymore. It was when I was five, but now? I'm not really that scared of it, just kind of irritated.

It starts out kind of weird; I'm in an enormous field with a bunch of people I know, and we're competing to finish puzzles first (like on Survivor). My team is never the same; different people I know are there at different times. But anyway, a giant like... Robot thing comes and takes away everyone, leaving just me, and puts me down in this desolate little village. But it's a creepy village. Everyone is afraid of this one "witch" within the village, and she's just... creepy. So, me, being the weirdo that I am, get a few people together to steal something from her, and then we go and try and take it, but she captures us, and she looks like a girl my age (People hadn't actually seen her). So, whatever. We go back out empty handed, but she's pissed, and she tries to change the weather so it's always raining and stuff, but we don't want that, so we lock her up. She somehow escapes and pretends to be a normal teenager staying at a hotel. So me and my friends go and follow them to the hotel, and then lure her to our car where we exploit the demon within her by making her eat peas. (Don't laugh.) And then my friend Meagan and I run through the isles of a grocery store.

However, this last part? That's new... I've always been caught by the witch person, I've never actually caught her. And you know what was weird? She had this whole story about why she was like that. I think my imaginative mind is playing new tricks on me...

So, lately I've been thinking about things... All sorts of things, mostly besides the things that I mentioned yesterday. At the beginning of this year, I made an enormous "New Years Resolution" list, as well as my 2010 To Do List. I've done a few things. According to Wiki (Ah, wiki. You fail to disappoint.) a New Year's Resolution is: A commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. So, it's when you want to change, and you try to. Okay. Wiki defines a To Do List as: A list of errands and other tasks - often written on a piece of paper as a memory aid - that one needs or intends to accomplish. Yeah, that's pretty much what I thought. I didn't think that I was going to go crazy with my to do list, but, looking back on this little brown notebook, It seems to be quite extensive. I'm not too sure if I approve...

Goodness gracious me, oh my.

Today's To Do List:

(This might work better; a daily list instead of a ridiculous list for the whole year.)

• Homework
• Shower, clean room, do some laundry
• Pick out a movie or two for Movie Night tomorrow
• Charge cell.
• Continue going through documents
• Buy books on Amazon
• Look at more music on PV.

Weekend Homework List:

• French: Workbook, and vocabulary 3x each.
• English: Get story of website, annotate, respond using CAPT questions, finish other responses, start reading False Memory
• World Studies: Nothing.
• Algebra: Test corrections, two worksheets
• Chem: Powerpoint, display board, final paper and study for test

I think that's good for now. I'll probably do some other things in addition, but it's nine in the morning, the day is fresh, the sun is out, my stomach is growling. I should probably tame the beast and feed it.

Maybe I'll put on Star Trek. I do love that movie... Or I'll see if the Matrix is on. I'm in a Matrixy mood at the moment. Not that I've ever seen it... Ah well, someday. I'll put it on my To Do List.

Live long and prosper.

-Siobhan

Chewing On Things

Everyone wants to know that they're here, among other people. They want to know that they're not alone, that there are people out there that care about them and what they do, usually besides their parents. Most of the time these people turn to a medium to release their inner desires, to call to people and say, "Here I am! Follow me on Blogger! Listen to what I have to say! I'm important, I promise!" We look for this influx of people, complete strangers, to comment on what we have to say, to make us feel important and interesting. To say, "Wow, yeah. You're really interesting." But we don't really want their approval. We just want someone's approval. It doesn't matter who's. It could be Bill Gates, or Bill Stewart down the street. It doesn't matter.

On a side note, the title of this post refers to the fact that I'm thinking about about a billion different things at once;

Music? Yes. I'm always thinking about music. Where can I get new music? What genres are there that I haven't experimented with? Acoustic has found a place in my heart over the past few days, which I'm greatly thankful for. Bands like HE IS WE and Cady Groves are amazing at the moment. But I'm sure I'll move on to something else fairly quickly. At school, I'm in Madrigals. I love it. Probably my favorite non-academic class. Of course I mean things like Math and Chemistry when I refer to academic classes, but I do love Madrigals. The teacher is amazing, and she really connects well to us as high school kids. Not to mention I'm friends with pretty much everyone in that class. Like, really good friends, which makes it very easy to have a good time in that class. Music is always on. I made an amazing playlist, re-named Scrambled Envy, and it's got every song that isn't part of a show. It's completely random, and I can shuffle it, play it normal, do whatever I want with it, and I love it. I listen to it every day. On the other hand, I have my "Show Tunes" playlist (I do need a better name for it...) where I can keep all of my show music. I really hate shuffling shows... I feel like I want to listen to a whole show if I'm going to, not just one random song from it.

School? Yeah, school is pretty much always on my mind. How did I do on this test? What homework do I have? When is that enormous project for Chemistry due? Yadda yadda yadda. This quarter I'm doing much better. I kind of fell in to an "I don't care" attitude at the end of last quarter, and it really effected my grades. Not good. But, I'm back on track now, and should be happily on track for the rest of the quarter, and then the rest of the year. French is probably my least favorite subject. My teacher is ridiculous. She doesn't teach us, only tests us on things that we don't know. I really don't like her as a teacher. I'm sure she's a lovely person, but as a teacher, she kind of sucks. I'm not a big fan of my chemistry teacher either. She's crazy, and doesn't like me. She stuck me in the back of the room. Now, if you're a teacher, and you have a student who isn't doing well, wouldn't it make sense to put that student in the front of the class, where they can pay attention and try to improve? I think so. But no, she goes and puts me in the back, the complete opposite of what you would think. Not to mention that I'm short... Just saying, though. My algebra teacher is nice, a little eccentric, but nice. I like her. She's funny. My World Studies teacher is really interesting. He includes economics into all of our lessons, and I really think that economics is interesting. I like finding things out that I didn't know before, like random facts. They're cool. English? Yeah, it's an interesting class. We do a lot of reading short stories, and books, a lot of delving into the text and pulling important information to use and annotate. Which is good. It'll teach you to do it. I did it when we were given our articles for our World Studies exam about Napoleon. It really helped, and I ended up with an A, so I guess it works, too. The only thing about English, is that she piles on work. She tells us that we're just going to be doing short stories and responding until the CAPT (Connecticut Aptitude Performance Test, I think...) and then we're going to be starting some Shakespeare, but instead, we're doing a whole new "Modern Author" project starting Tuesday. We already picked our books. Mine is by Dean Koontz, but I can't remember what the name of the book is. Something about fading or something... However, we have to respond to a story too, so... whatever.

Reading? Yeah, reading is cool. I'm a bookworm, minus the worm and plus human. It's a good thing. I'm reading The Weight of Silence by Heather Gudenkauf right now. It's amazing. I really like it. The point of view is kind of weird, because it goes from the main character one chapter, to a completely different character later, and you know who's speaking from what the chapter title is. Weird, like I said. It kind of makes me happy, though. The last book I read was White Oleander, which was amazing. I loved that book, and am almost sad to see it go back to the library. Bye, bye, book.

I guess that I freak out during the week. Enough to propel me to spill all of my thoughts at one time, so I can move on to stress out about the next thing. You know that stress can actually cause you to sweat? That's gross. I learned it today in health. I really don't like that. But I can do it, I can. Time to get to work, power down, and get things done.

-Siobhan

Once In A While...

Sometimes I get the urge to create a new blog. I enjoy making them, making each one unique, different. I can talk about different things in different places. This is my fourth blog. I'm proud to say that. Greedy? Probably. You might say that. But I like it. People can think what they want, thats my personal opinion.

I like to think that I'm different, but so would everyone. Truth be told, we all like to think that we're different; it's what makes us all the same. But still, I think I'm different. I have different views about what I like, what I need, what I think is interesting. I like to think that I'm an interesting person, that the way I think may be interesting to other unique people.

I have views that most people didn't see. I see the world in a different way, I guess. Sometimes I wonder if everyone sees the world the same. I mean, physically. What if people see orange, and they see it as blue? What if people hear language differently? Who knows? All we know is what we here. I could be typing in what looks like Korean to you, but English to me. We won't know until we go into someone else's head.

I'm a very musical person. World music is probably one of my favorite genres, only because it makes such fantastic study music. I can really focus, partly because it's been proven that listening to music in a language you don't understand can keep you focused, because you're less likely to pay attention to what they're saying. Same with watching TV. They (whoever they are...) say that you should put on a TV show in a language you don't understand for white noise.

I'm a visual learner. Flash cards, movies. They all help. That's how I learn. I can't just read out of a text book, or write something down on another piece of paper. I have to see it, and make a mental connection. It makes studying a bit harder, but at least I know what kind of learner I am. I don't know why that's relevant to anything, I just felt like sharing.

As of right now, I have some homework that I need to get done. I'll have to post tomorrow.

-Siobhan